


life in suspension

by boogy



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Nen, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Masturbation, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boogy/pseuds/boogy
Summary: kite wanders through life, feeling lost and alone. everything changes when he meets you--or, kite's a biology teacher and you're a park ranger
Relationships: Ging Freecs/Kaito | Kite, Kaito | Kite/Neferpitou (Hunter X Hunter), Kaito | Kite/Reader
Comments: 23
Kudos: 68





	1. chance meeting

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! this is my first time writing something long-winded so feedback is much appreciated. this will definitely have some mature content in the future and I'll change the rating when it applies.

Bright streaks of sunset settled across Kite’s desk, sending warm reflections onto the walls. The air of the classroom was still and calm, finally. Dealing with seven hours of immature middle school students would wear anyone down. After he took a quick moment to gather his thoughts and things, Kite headed out and locked up the classroom.

It’s finally the weekend, he internally rejoiced. 

It’s not that he didn’t like teaching, he loved it, it was just a relief to finally get a break after a long, tiring week. Teaching was something he looked forward to every day, it got him away from the all-encompassing quiet of his house.

Upon thinking of home, Kite sighed. He had a bittersweet relationship with being home alone. He had been alone for so long.

The sidewalk was cracked and old with ugly weeds pushing their way through the concrete. Kite was grateful he lived close to the school; he hated walking down the path every day. However, living close had some downsides. Most notably would be having to watch happy young people wandering around. 

It’s not that Kite didn’t have friends, he just never was able to make plans with them. He didn’t want to be an inconvenience.

So as his humble house came into view, he let out a small sign and pushed the negative thoughts from his mind. Even though his house was usually empty, Kite felt a much-needed sense of peace whenever he crossed through the threshold. On Fridays, he would usually grade papers and stay up late in case any of his students needed help, but that Friday was a bit different than normal. It was the day before fall break, so none of the teachers had really assigned any work.

Kite grimaced as he sat down on his bed. Without people to help or school work to go over, he had to find something to do so he didn’t slip into the funk of feeling useless and alone.

It was only the beginning of a long afternoon, so he couldn’t make dinner just yet. Sitting in front of the T.V. didn’t seem great, either. After mulling over some ideas in his head, Kite finally decided to go to a nearby nature center to walk around and take in the good weather.

The walk there was much better than the walk home, just because Kite was thinking of the opportunities he might have there. It was a park he had never been to, somehow, so he was eager to see what type of wildlife resided there. Despite the season, the weather was pleasant and mild, which made Kite a twinge more at ease.

Upon arriving, he was greeted by a squat service building. He calmly circled it and went inside when he couldn’t find any signs saying not to. Warm, musty darkness wafted out from the door, and Kite’s slender hands found a lightswitch. Now that the lights were on, he could see various enclosures housing local animals that were bathed in the warm light from the ceiling.  
In the corner, he spotted an information desk with no one behind it. Even so, he strolled up to it and found a map of the park pasted to the counter-top. There was a stream running through the park, and he made a mental note to check it out later. After he walked through the small building, Kite made his way back out into the fresh, cool air.

He was only a little disappointed to not find anyone. 

Ever since he had settled down to teach, his friends kept on living their fast-paced lives, and he started to lose the energy needed to keep up with them. When he still tried, his weeks would be packed with school, studying, friends, and sleep. It was an endless cycle that tired him to no end. Eventually, he just stopped trying, and they seemed to gladly leave him behind. With a twist in his heart, he thought of Ging, who was always just out of his reach.

The view is nice, Kite mused, trying not to think of Ging anymore. 

Tall trees surrounded him and made him, for once, feel small and contained. Feeling small was a hard thing to do for Kite. 

As he wandered the park wrestling with his thoughts, he absentmindedly was searching for the stream. In the distance, he could hear it softly bubbling, barely out of reach (just like Ging). 

Suddenly, he began to regret his decision to leave the house. Even though he wasn’t one to wallow, he wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and forget about the past. He still had a whole week to do that, though. He huffed a sigh and quickly decided to try camping so he wasn’t stuck in all week.

Kite was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the darkening sky. He definitely didn’t notice the very curious park worker gazing at him through the trees. He seemed upset, so you didn’t want to disturb him, no matter how gorgeous he was.

Once Kite calmed down enough to take in his surroundings, he realized he was lost. It wasn’t a problem for him at all, though. You didn’t know that, however.

“Hi,” you strolled out from behind the trees, sounding as friendly as you could. “Since we’re about to close the park to the public, I can take you back to the entrance if you want.”

Kite thought for a moment. He could easily find his way back but didn’t want to fall victim to his thoughts again. He nodded.

“So how do you like the park?” You asked as you guided him along the beaten path.

Behind you, Kite let out a soft grunt. “I like it, I live close so I don’t know why I haven’t been here yet.”

“Yeah before I worked here I had no idea this place existed.” You twirled around and walked backward. Kite was so tall he had to look down at you. He begrudgingly realized you were very pretty. As if he needed more reminders of his loneliness.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

For a second, you were taken off guard and almost took an embarrassing fall. It wasn’t everyday beautiful men came through the park. “I’m y/n. You?”

“Kite,” he said warmly. “It’s nice to meet you, y/n.”

The rest of the walk back was mostly silent, but your’s and Kite’s minds were anything but.

I probably was so awkward in front of him, your thoughts murmured. His hair is beautiful, I should ask what he uses. It’s probably soft. I’ll never get to touch it after sounding so dumb earlier, though.

Unaware of your internal self-deprecation, Kite wrestled with his own thoughts. She’s very pretty- I don’t deserve her- She would leave like Gi- I want someone so bad- How did I never notice how alone I was-

His thoughts were an endless cycle of wants and needs and the fear of rejection, so when you both reached the entrance, you left him with a respectful handshake and a, “Hope to see you back at our facilities!” And he left you with a, “It was lovely, goodnight.”

When he turned away from you, Kite felt your gentle eyes studying his back. He wanted to turn. He didn’t have the courage to.

_________________________

A whistling tea kettle jerked you from your restless sleep. You had forgotten about the tea before laying down, you realized in horror. You bolted up to grab it before it boiled over, mentally cursing yourself.

Lately, you were extra absentminded, it seemed. Ever since you had met that beautiful stranger at work, Kite, you found yourself distracted more often. He just wouldn’t leave your mind.

You poured the tea into one of your mugs. You collected them and would add any to your collection, as long as it had a nice design. As you poured the tea, you grumbled some more to yourself, pissed because the quality of the tea was probably ruined. Oh well, you mused. At least you had the day off.

On days off, you would usually go to your friends, Mito’s, house. There, the two of you would watch her nephew, Gon. Today, however, you had to go and pick him up from school and watch him while Mito ran errands.

After finishing the rather bitter tea, you hopped in your car and drove to the nearby middle school. The drive was short and you realized you had gotten there a bit too early, so you would have to go into the front office and check him out. You figured you could treat Gon to some ice cream or something, he was pretty easy to please.

The school was old and made from brick, giving the whole place a comfortable, homey feel. Tall balsam trees lined the sidewalk leading to the front entrance, and you felt a nice, calm feeling settle in you as you breathed in the crisp smell. Inside, warm lighting made the hallway feel cozy and you briefly wondered how the students could even work in such a comfortable environment.

You stopped yourself from looking around more and headed into the office.

“Hi, there!” Called a man from deeper in the office.

“Hi,” you replied, “I’m just here to check out someone.”

He emerged from the back and had you sign your name and reason for taking Gon. While you filled out the slip, you noticed a tall, lanky figure step out from the backroom and walk out into the hallway. You turned to see who it was, but all you caught was silky white hair, cascading down the figure’s long back.

It can’t be, you thought, stepping out to confirm your suspicions. You were too late, they were gone, but you could’ve sworn it was Kite.

While you were mulling over your thoughts, the secretary had called Gon through the intercom system and had offered you a seat while you waited.

It didn’t take long for you to hear Gon’s overly excited voice. You couldn’t help but smile, the boy could brighten anyone’s day.

“Y/n!!!” He yelled, running up to you like a loyal puppy. “It’s early, why’re we leaving so soon?”

“Ah, I just wanted to get some ice cream while we wait for your aunt.”

Gon dragged you up. His strength surprised you some times. “Okay, let’s go then.”

In the car, Gon rattled off the day’s events with barely any pauses. Sometimes you wondered if his mouth ever got dry from talking so much.

“I’ll take one chocolate and one bubblegum, please,” you ordered. “Can those both be cones?”

After you and Gon argued over whether chocolate was a boring flavor or not, you finally headed to his house. The house never failed to put you at ease, with its cozy furnishings and bright windows everywhere. You plopped down on a cushiony couch and let Gon go do whatever it was he wanted.

You were fortunate to have such a good, easy-going kid to watch. Sometimes, you had to watch his friend, Killua, too, and that was always a riot. Alone, the boys were well-behaved but together they would cause so much mayhem. 

Gon eventually came back inside and curled up in the corner of an over-stuffed armchair.

“I have a biology class now.” He stated proudly. You figured he would excel in a class like that. The kid had a natural inclination for science.

“Is the teacher good?”

Gon thought about your question for a moment. “Yeah, really good, but the work is kind of hard sometimes.”

“Have you asked Killua for help?” He definitely did, you didn’t need to ask.

“Of course,” Gon sighed. “But I like asking Mr. Kite for help. He would be a really good dad.”

It took you a moment to register what Gon had said. “You said Kite?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Do you know him?”

You nodded. “Does he have long, white hair?”

“Uh huh. It’s super long so he ties it up usually.”

You hummed in acknowledgment and let Gon go back outside. So he’s a teacher. You wondered why he went to the park alone, then. It would be a perfect place to take students on a field trip. Maybe you should mention it to Gon.

Briefly, before Mito came home, you wondered if Kite’s hair was as soft as it appeared. Part of you hoped you would be able to find out for yourself.

_____________________

Kite felt like he was drowning.

Figuratively, despite being in his cramped bath. Ever since he had seen you the reminder of his isolation grew more prominent on his back, slowly crushing him under its weight. He saw you at the school, too afraid to say a quick hello. When he got home that day he cursed himself for being such a coward.

Because of his fear, he was still alone. What he wouldn’t give for the touch of another. Lately, he didn’t know if it was because of you or not, he found himself thinking about the past too much. It wasn’t good for him, especially when his thoughts decided to settle on Ging.

Kite’s mind ran in circles. Why did he leave? He never cared about me. I was used. I deserve it. He plunged his head under the water, hoping to shut out all thoughts of the man.

He had to be composed for the students, but it was starting to get harder every day to get up and present himself to them with a smile. 

After the water became uncomfortably cool, Kite sat up and clutched his knees close to his chest, grimacing at the thinness of his legs. He was too lanky. When he stood up, he wrung out his hair and put it in a towel. It would take too long to blow dry it, he just didn’t have the energy.

His bed was cold and he briefly longed for a warm body to curl around. He was certainly long enough. Kite laid down and closed his eyes, not wanting to sleep but not wanting to think either. Distantly, he wondered if he should leave the house and find something to cheer himself up. He wished he was at the school. Being with the kids lifted some of the weight off of his heart. Weekends were overrated.

Finally, Kite dragged himself out of bed and checked the time. Only three, the park is open. He threw on his signature hat and a long, dark coat over a simple shirt and jeans. He definitely wasn’t trying to look nice for you.

Once again, the walk to the park was nice and bright, very uncharacteristic for the season. It was as if the universe was rewarding him for going out. Maybe he needed to treat himself better. I don’t deserve it, he grumbled inwardly.

The park entrance was a little more crowded than when he had last been there, and he automatically began to seek out the girl who had been taking over his mind. To his disappointment, he didn’t manage to spot you and almost left. However, a peaceful walk in nature made him change his mind.

Kite decided to take a different path, so instead of being surrounded by towering trees, he was out in the open. A large, golden field stretched out in all directions, only stopping to make way for the distant trees. He inhaled deeply, slightly calming at the scent of the air and fresh soil. Local birds soared above him, softly tittering to each other.

Outside of the path, there lay a modest-sized pond. Kite figured he could sit by it and just think for a while. That’s something an old man would do, he realized with a sigh. Still, he began wading through the tall, flowing grasses to the edge of the pond. Waking through the grass was nothing for a man of his height.

When he reached the edge of the pond, he sat down, his height forcing him to have to fold himself into a sitting position. In his peripheral vision, a figure was stomping through the grain, having lots of difficulty getting through. Kite stayed seated for a moment, wondering whether he should help or not.

As he got up, his heart started pounding. He absently wondered if it would explode. The person struggling to move through the grass was you. Your face was screwed in concentration and your height was forcing you to take comically large steps.

“Uh, hey!” Kite started, giving you an awkward wave.

You looked up and saw him. Gon’s teacher, the beautiful stranger.

“Hi,” you greeted. “Kite, wasn’t it?”

He nodded, beginning to stride effortlessly toward you. “Yeah, need some help?”

Noticing how smoothly he glided through the grass, you internally cursed him. Damn you, Kite, and your graceful long legs. 

“I suppose, I’m just trying to get over there to get samples.” 

“What for?” Kite asked, finally in front of you. Being so close was making him nervous, you were stunning. 

“Oh, just to make sure the water’s normal.” You said, having to crane your neck just to meet his dark eyes. “It always takes me forever to get through all this, though. This grass is freakishly tall.”

Kite fidgeted, shifting his weight. “How do you propose I should help?” He seemed adorably nervous.

It was your turn to avert your gaze. “Ah, well, you could carry me?”

“Oh, okay.” Kite looked at you, apprehension in his eyes, barely noticeable. “Come here.”

You obliged, stepping towards him and suddenly getting swept off your feet. His strength surprised you and you selfishly leaned heavily onto his chest. You couldn’t tell, but his heart was threatening to burst through his chest. You smelled so good.

Kite cautiously looked down, accidentally meeting your eyes.

“I’m sorry about this,” he said, flustered. “We barely know each other.”

You huffed out a laugh and noticed he had stopped moving. Even so, his firm hold on you hadn’t loosened. “No, I appreciate it. There’s no way to ask someone to carry you that isn’t awkward, y’know?”

To your surprise, he blessed you with a small, relaxed smile. You could’ve sworn your heart skipped a beat. His lean face was attractive in such an unusual way, it caught you off guard. You wanted to see him smile more.

“Down you go,” he said, gently placing you upright.

Once you had a grip on yourself, you turned to look up at Kite again. “So, do you wanna stick around for a while?” You asked hesitantly. The last thing you wanted to do was be too assertive. However, Kite was nervously wondering if he should leave (even though he dreaded being alone once again).

“Yes,” he quickly decided, hoping you hadn’t caught onto his nerves. Although he was often unsure of himself, he still had his pride. “If I leave you’ll take forever to get through the grass.”

You swallowed thickly, your throat was dry. He was basically offering to carry you again. So intimate. 

You crouched by the side of the water and pulled out your pocket pH tester. Kite’s presence leaned softly over you, and you smiled knowing he was interested.

“So, what is it you do?” You asked while working.

Kite seemed to think for a moment and said, “I’m a teacher, specifically biology but I can pretty much go anywhere the school needs me. For example, I did a year of chemistry at the high school, but now I’m back doing biology for the middle school.”

You hummed in acknowledgment. “How do you like it?”

“Oh, I love it,” he said with an amused lilt to his voice. “The kids can be a handful but I really love what I do. Being at the school keeps me from being alone all the time, too.” He admitted.

As you were getting up, Kite watched you and admired your clothes. For a park ranger, you were able to have a nice style while working. You were clad in a long-sleeve thermal shirt underneath your uniform button-up. Kite especially liked your practical hiking boots, which were perfect for the rough terrain that was off of the main path.

You turned suddenly, smiling and shrugging as you sighed, “Guess it’s time for you to take me away.”

Kite hoped he wasn’t blushing, although it felt like it. He scooped you up again, praying you didn’t notice his heart as you softly pressed your cheek against the hard plane of his chest. You couldn’t help but be surprised at his sturdiness. Everywhere your body came in contact with his, you could feel hard, lean muscle. It somehow made you more nervous.

Once Kite had reached the main path again, he regretfully set you back down.

“Thank you, you’re my hero.” You said jokingly. You missed the red that quickly flushed on his cheeks.

“Anytime,” Kite said. Some part of him was screaming to keep talking to you, somehow. With the support of his inner voice, he suddenly felt very bold. “I liked talking today, can I give you my number so I know when to come see you?” The moment he asked, he regretted it.

Your back was turned to him, thankfully, so you got to drop your jaw before composing yourself. You were at a loss for words. You never thought he would be so blunt.

“Um, yeah,” you croaked out. “Do you come here just to see me?”

Kite’s mouth screwed up. “I mean, I love being out here but you’re a bonus.” He admitted. “I don’t talk to many people, aside from the kids.”

You offered him a sympathetic smile. You knew what it was like to be alone while surrounded by others. “Well, I like seeing you so here.” You handed him your phone and asked him to put in his number.

Kite looked around and noticed the darkening sky. He hated to leave but he had to at some point. You caught onto his wandering gaze and realized he probably had to be home soon.

“Hey we should both get going,” you said. “I have to eat dinner and sleep.”

Kite nodded, giving you another soft smile. “I’ll walk out with you.”

Your heart fluttered, even though he was just being nice. “Okay.”

The walk back was quiet and peaceful. It was as though the world stood still for the two of you. Kite watched you cutely swing your arms as you walked slightly ahead of him, he had to stop himself from grasping your hand. He distantly wondered how it would feel to hold someone as small as you.

You knew he was staring at you, who wouldn’t? You probably looked dumb swinging your arms like an idiot, but you couldn’t help it. It was fun. You internally grumbled when you remembered you couldn’t hold his hand. You weren’t dating just because he gave you his number.

As you walked with him, it was silent. However, it wasn’t uncomfortable. You could tell that Kite was a generally quiet person, so it didn’t bother you that he wasn’t saying much. Even though he appeared composed and quiet, his mind was running laps. He wanted to talk more, but couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He definitely wasn’t daring enough to compliment you, even though you looked beautiful.

The entrance loomed ahead and Kite regretfully parted ways with you, promising to keep in touch. As you watched him stride off, you desperately hoped fate had something in store for you and the tall man with the sad eyes.


	2. cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kite's sick + self-loathing

Silvery strands obscured Kite’s vision as he groggily rose from sleep. His hair was always getting in the way, but he was too attached to cut it. His alarm blared and he begrudgingly regarded it before shutting it off. Even though he wasn’t going to work that day, he had forgotten to power the thing off. In the week since he had seen you last, he had caught some sort of nasty cold.

Being sick never went well for Kite. The man craved being outdoors, it made him feel alive. He also wasn’t able to work out while sick, he was a firm believer in letting the body heal and fight off the sickness. So there he lay, dreading the notion that he would have to stay cooped up inside all day.

Once he was sat up against his comfortable pillows, he glanced at his phone. A text from you caught his eyes and his throat became dry. He blamed it on his cold.

Good morning! Hope you feel better today!

As if it were magic, seeing your text had made Kite’s sour mood miraculously lift. He shot back a good morning and forced himself out of bed.

For some reason, he hadn’t been back to the park since he had carried you that once. Part of him got sick with nerves every time he considered it and a more sinister side had him convinced that he didn’t deserve it. He felt so at ease with you, he didn’t even think of Ging once, he later realized. 

He felt less alone because of you. 

Looking in the mirror, Kite grimaced at his long, gaunt face. His hair hung limply and provided a frame for his thin face. He was eternally grateful for it and the way it obscured his face from view. 

Taking his time, he gingerly removed his clothes and avoided looking at his body. Thinking about it made him twinge with discomfort and he hoped you would never have to see him like this. When he stepped into the shower he was forced to face his body. He cautiously lathered himself up, acting as if he was scared of his own skin. 

His mind betrayed him, thinking of you. If you saw him like this he knew what would happen; what always happened when he was exposed. You would cringe at his lanky form and stupidly large hands. You were too perfect. It would be like beauty and the beast, Kite sardonically mused.

You would laugh at him. Probably call him something nasty. Kite grimaced when he accidentally brushed up against his flaccid dick. To his surprise, he felt it pulse with need. His body was punishing him, he didn’t deserve feeling so alive.

Kite shivered when his hand wrapped around his half-hard cock, what he was doing was disgusting, but he couldn’t stop. Distantly, he realized it had been weeks since he had even thought about touching himself. As he thought about you watching him in disgust, repulsed by his gaunt body, the desire only grew stronger.

Something’s wrong with me, he thought, but couldn’t bring himself to care. It felt too good. It wouldn’t feel good when he finished.

Slowly, his negative thoughts were replaced with memories of holding you close, carrying you. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped harder, gasping at the image of you gazing up at him through hooded eyes. You probably didn’t mean for it to look so seductive.

Kite groaned as he finished, leaning heavily against the cold tile wall. Immediately, disgust clouded his mind and he thought of nothing as he cleaned himself. It was one thing to hope to talk more but he had just used you. Just like he had been used. 

As he sat down in the shower corner letting the warm spray cover him, he resolved to keep his distance. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you.  
_______________

You were finally able to go home after a long, tiring day of work. Since you had to track down a rogue child from most of your shift, your boss mercifully allowed you to leave early.

As you walked to your car, you briefly checked your phone, still no news from Kite. You hopped into your small car and sat for a while, contemplating whether you should bother him more.

Hey are you alright? I just got off work so I can talk if you want.

You put your phone away and started the car. While driving to grab a quick snack, you felt it vibrate. You checked the screen at a stop sign.

Kite :) : Sorry, I’m still not doing good today, I think I came down with a cold.

You almost started thanking every deity you could think of. Although you felt bad for his predicament, it was the perfect opportunity to stop by his place. You could bring him something light to eat and make sure he was okay. Definitely no other reason.

You pulled up to the market and bought some chicken noodle soup and a ridiculously soft blanket, practically skipping back out. There’s nothing better than a warm bowl of soup and a fuzzy blanket. The only reason you knew his address was because he had left it in your phone. You didn’t ask why but just gratefully accepted it. 

His house was very small and cute looking. It was brick and had a huge tree in the modest front yard. He had lots of vegetables growing in various plots around the yard and a bike leaning against a small outbuilding. His doormat had a simple hello printed on it and you smiled despite yourself. Everything he did was adorable, you concluded.

You gingerly rang the doorbell and waited nervously. Part of you was worried he didn’t want to see you. If he had, he would’ve come to the park. You sighed, trying to banish the anxiety and compose yourself. The door creaked open and Kite’s dark eyes met yours.

“Um,” he started, opening the door completely. “What’re you doing here?” He asked.

You held out your hands with the gifts you had for him, saying, “You said you were sick so I just brought some stuff.” Even though you sounded confident, you were practically shaking. His eyes held no emotion as he looked you over and you quickly realized something was wrong.

“Was this a bad time?” 

Kite sighed, stepping fully into view, revealing his canopy of wet hair and long, naked torso. Your blood suddenly ran hot and you willed yourself to calm down. You just happened to catch him right after a shower. 

“It’s not a bad time, I guess,” he admitted, moving aside to let you in. “I just feel very sick and didn’t expect you.”

As he guided you into his kitchen, you took in his humble living room. It was modestly decorated with the main feature being a massive stone fireplace. Flames raged within it and cast an orange glow on his small sofa. The kitchen was open to the living room and was only separated by an eating counter. You sat yourself down on a stool and watched as Kite stumbled awkwardly around his kitchen. You found his nervousness almost endearing and you wondered why he was so shy.

Kite grumbled internally, cursing himself for letting you in. You were so bright, bouncing in with a smile and chicken soup. After what he did, he didn’t need to be in your presence. A far off thought begged him to put a shirt on, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Despite the remote feeling of disgust, he simply didn’t have the energy to worry about it. On top of being sick and feeling nauseous, now you were in the mix and Kite couldn’t tell if he was feeling butterflies or vomit churning.

“Well, I just wanted to drop these off,” your voice snapped Kite out of his brooding. He was grateful for his placid expression, never revealing his feelings.

He turned to face you, not noticing you run your eyes down his body. “Thank you, I promise I’ll feel better soon. I don’t like being stuck inside so much.”

“When you’re better you need to come to the park, okay?” You stated, getting up and jokingly glaring at him.

Kite nodded and gave you that soft smile again. “Of course,” his stomach flipped, betraying his mind. He was never going to be able to stay away from you. “I’ll let you know immediately.”

You allowed him to walk you out and you tried not to gawk at his bare chest and stomach. He was surprisingly lean and muscly for a teacher. 

“I hope you feel better, Kite.”

His hard gaze softened ever so slightly. “Thank you.” He sounded painfully sincere, you suddenly wanted to pull him into a hug.

“I’ll text you later.” You waved as you shuffled back to your car.

Kite stood in his doorway, watching. “Get home safe.” He said quietly. He didn’t think you heard, but you did. You closed the door and drove off, not bothering to fight off the red blooming across your cheeks.  
_______________

Once you were long gone, Kite was still standing in his doorway, mulling over what had just transpired. The moment you had come striding through his door his feelings of insecurity and self-doubt had practically disappeared. Of course, he suddenly realized you had seen part of him and he cringed at the thought, instinctively drawing his long arms around himself.

However, thinking back on it, Kite realized that you hadn’t withdrawn from him when you were greeted with his willowy build. If anything, he could’ve sworn he caught you staring. He huffed, banishing the thought as a hopeful wish.

Since he was feeling a bit better, Kite decided to cook the soup and watch a movie. It wouldn’t be in his best interest to be outside or workout. His body just needed some rest.

As the soup bubbled on the stove, his phone went off.

Hey, I just got home.

Then, a moment later: Eat the soup I don’t want you to die.

Despite himself, Kite couldn’t hold back a smile. 

It’s cooking right now, actually, he replied.

He felt incredibly silly at the moment, with his legs tucked up underneath him and him grinning uncontrollably. He couldn’t recall the last time he had felt so alive. It was astounding the change seeing you made. That morning he was considering sleeping through the day just so he wouldn’t have to face his thoughts. Just thinking about it made his mood falter, but before he could recall more the soup sizzled and he realized it was boiling over.

He rushed up, briefly feeling light-headed, and took care of the soup. It smelled amazing and his heart couldn’t help but flutter when he remembered it was you who had thought to do this for him. He surely didn’t deserve it.

Once the soup cooled enough to eat, Kite grabbed the blanket you had brought and folded himself on his couch. A man of his size had to quite literally fold his limbs just so he could fit on the small couch. Even so, his imposing height was something he had always appreciated. 

Suddenly, he remembered how much smaller you were. Of course, most people were shorter than him, but something about you being able to fit inside the curve of his arm made his face uncharacteristically flush. He didn’t know he could still feel so giddy over someone and he didn’t want to stop.

Kite kicked his legs out and leaned back, savoring the scent of the soup and the gentle warmth of his home. He wished to be sharing it with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't help but have the man nut. maybe he has a thing for hot girls making fun of him lol. i promise he will learn to be happy, we just need to get through the sad bits first


	3. he's the worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one mf ruins kite's whole night

You bounced around the park, eagerly awaiting the end of your long shift. You were so excited you were shaking, and you had many people ask if you were okay. You were okay, in fact, you were amazing. In just a few hours, you would be sitting in one of the most highly rated fancy restaurants in the area, just because of your job.

Every year, your superiors arranged for a nice dinner party for everyone working, as a thank you present of sorts. You had gone to two of the parties and you had yet to be disappointed. The whole organization took the parties very seriously, only reserving tables at the most high-end restaurants. You were eternally grateful for having such laid back employers.

Checking your watch for the fourth time that minute made you want to groan out loud. You still had a whole ten minutes before you could clock out. You grumbled all the way to the service building, purposely dragging your feet in hopes that you could waste some time.

Inside the service building, you fed some of the animals while you waited. As much as you wanted to leave, you didn’t mind taking your time with the animals.

“Hey, you ready for tonight?” Your coworker, Spinner asked.

You nodded and turned to face her. “Hell yes I am, I’m waiting for the time to be sent out though.”

Spinner blew a huge bubble with her gum, you swore that stuff never left her mouth. “That’s weird, they usually have it out now,” you shrugged. “Oh well, have a plus one yet?”

The question caught you off guard. “Ah, maybe.”

Her eyes widened and she leaned in close to you, so close you could smell her sweet breath. “Are you dating someone?”

You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. “I wish,” you said with a weak chuckle.

Sensing your discomfort, Spinner stepped back. “Bring him. I gotta judge him before you can do anything.”

You sighed, Spin was always too serious. “Okay, I will. I’m just nervous.”

“Well if you really like him, bring him, it’s free food.” She called over her shoulder, leaving you alone in the service building.

Even though it was time for you to leave, you stayed put in the building. Part of you wanted to invite Kite, but another chastised you. The last time you had seen him at his house, he seemed put-off. Of course, right before you left, his mood seemed to lighten. In a bold move, you shot him a quick text and started going to your car.

It didn’t take your phone long to chime happily. 

Kite :) : Hey, no I’m not doing much tonight. Just finishing some papers right now.

You smiled despite yourself and finally got in your car. You really should stop texting and walking.

I have a company dinner tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to tag along.

His response was an immediate yes. 

After you told him the time and where you would be going, he agreed to have you pick him up. As you drove home to get ready, you kept zoning out and staring at the blurred trees whizzing past. Your heart felt knotted almost like it wouldn’t beat right. Not to mention your smile still plastered to your face.

You almost laughed out loud a little, thinking of how dumb you must’ve looked. It didn’t take long for you to finally pull up to your apartment, but the moment you did you felt an intense sense of urgency. You had to get ready immediately.

Bursting through the door, you threw your bag off to the side and dashed to the bathroom. After wiggling out of your work clothes you got straight to showering, wasting no time. You didn’t even put music on.

Recently, you had bought some good smelling body wash and hair products. You had even made sure they smelled the same just so you could match. You were lucky to be able to find body wash, shampoo, and conditioner that shared the same scent. With a blush, you briefly wondered what type of smell Kite would like.

After that, you had to pick out an outfit. The restaurant was fancy but not extremely high-end, so you were hoping to get away with something more comfortable. However, you still wanted to look nice for yourself (and Kite).

Your closet loomed before you and you began the daunting task of choosing a nice outfit. You could always stay safe with a dress, but you weren’t always confident in them. It didn’t take long for you to sigh and resolve to settle for a dress. You had one you bought months ago, you were just never brave enough to wear it out. It was your favorite color and very flattering, modest, yet it hugged your hips and cinched around your waist slightly. 

When you put it on, you thought about Kite and wondered what he would wear. You hoped he would wear something that would match. Thinking that your hand flew up to your mouth to hide the giddy smile that had appeared. You couldn’t believe the effect a stranger had on you.

You cursed yourself for getting so distracted and got to work on your makeup, doing it just the way you liked. Once everything was finally done, you looked down at the phone and noted you only had a few minutes before you had to leave and get Kite.

You were horrendously nervous and you wished you had Kite’s cool, calm demeanor. However, Kite was just as, if not more, nervous.

He paced his small living room, anxiously wondering why he agreed to go. On one hand, he liked being around you and he wouldn’t pass up a nice, free meal. On the other, he was intensely skittish when he just thought about being with you outside of the usual environment. His suit made his body appear exaggerated; his long arms became lank, his legs appeared skeletal, and his pale skin contrasted against the black. He opted to leave his hat and just tie his hair in a loose pony-tail.

While he worried over his appearance, his phone went off. He glanced at the screen, his heart tightening when he saw an “on my way” text from you. It didn’t seem real until then. It felt like he was going on a date almost. Suddenly, he wished he would’ve worn something other than a basic black suit.

Before he could go to his closet again, a thump on his door forced him to stop pacing. He timidly cracked it open and upon seeing you, opened it all the way and stepped out.

“Hey, long time no see!” You said with a bright smile. 

Kite smiled back. “It hasn’t been that long, has it?”

You were tempted to grab his arm and pull him along with you to the car. “Nope, I was kidding. I hope you can fit in the car.” You said, half-joking.

Kite regarded the passenger seat as you sat on your side. He stepped in, having to draw his knees up and adjust the seat all the way back.

“How tall are you anyway?” You figured he was definitely over six feet.

“I think over 6’5, I’m not sure though.”

Looking over him, you could definitely tell. His dark suit only accentuated his slender height. You had to make yourself pay attention to the road, which was hard with Kite right there next to you, smelling gently of musk and something earthy. His hair was up, loosely, and exposed more of his lean face. Out of the corner of your eye, you traced the soft downward curve of his nose. He looked like the picture of elegance.

Next to you, Kite occupied himself by staring straight ahead. You smelled amazing and that dress was practically made for you. The color brought out your eyes and made them shine even more. He felt like he was a kid again. He never had so much trouble when being around girls, it was just you.

It didn’t take long for the immense stretch of trees and parks and houses to give way to the highway leading into the heart of the city.

“So, why does your work do this?” Kite asked, attempting to ease his nerves.

“Oh, it’s just a reward since we do so much all year, y’know?”

Kite hummed in acknowledgment. “The school hosts teacher parties sometimes, but I don’t usually go.”

You turned and inquired, “Why not?”

Kite seemed to think for a moment. “I’m not sure actually. I tried to think of a reason just now, but I’m shooting blanks.”

Although what he said was kind of sad, you noticed that his face remained passive.

“Well, you should go. I used to be really nervous around my coworkers until I got to know them outside of a work setting. Cause when your not working your personality comes out more I think. I love these parties too because they cover food.” You cringed once you realized you had rambled a little.

You faced him again, “Sorry, I can really go off sometimes.”

To your surprise, Kite only gave you a small smile. “It’s okay, you shouldn’t be sorry for that, though.”

You smiled back. “I guess so, I just feel annoying.”

“I assure you you’re not.”

Before you could even think of a reply, you were pulling up to the valet. Once you surrendered your car for the night, you and Kite made your way to the restaurant entrance. It was insanely posh, with huge pillars and a massive wood door. A doorman held it open and a host inside guided you through the elaborately decorated building.

The company had rented out a backroom, so you would be secluded in an almost intimate setting. In the room, there was a long center table already covered in an expansive spread of meats, cheeses, and fruits.

“Oh my god.” You couldn’t keep it from slipping out. “A giant charcuterie board?”

Kite huffed a chuckle and sat down. You sat next to him and started looking around for your favorite work friends. You quickly caught sight of Spin and waved her over.

“Hey babes, I see you’ve brought the lucky man.”

You stood to greet her and once you were safely out of earshot she whispered, “Holy shit, y/n, that man is a whole meal. Where’d you find him?”

Your face immediately flushed red and you playfully pushed her away. “Stop, someone’s gonna hear!”

Spin just laughed at you and pushed you back, accidentally making you stumble right into Kite. That poor, unsuspecting man. You thumped against his back hard and he turned in surprise.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” you apologized while Spin kept on laughing at you. “That’s my evil friend, Spin.”

Kite fought back a grin and pulled out your chair for you. “Ah, it’s okay. I could’ve been injured, though.”

You rolled your eyes and sat down. Spin took a seat next to you and wiggled her brows. You turned away from her and put your attention back on Kite. Next to you, you heard Spin grumble. You didn’t care like you usually would though. The night was perfect.

Kite filled his plate with light foods, mostly crackers, and toppings. His stomach was churning with a giddy sensation. He was all at once nervous, but also excited. You were so close and so happy to be there with him. If it were anyone else, he probably would’ve thought of an excuse to not go. 

A waiter came through and offered menus to those who wanted a main course. Apparently, the charcuterie board was an appetizer.

Upon hearing that, you groaned. “I can’t believe they didn’t tell us that at the beginning. I already ate a ton of stuff. I might pass out, if I did, could you carry me again?”

Kite smiled, you were rambling again. “Yes, I can drive as well.”

You seemed to think for a moment before shrugging. “I might drive, we shall see.”

You ended up ordering a tasty looking potato soup. “You can never go wrong with potatoes,” you stated to Kite, who just nodded in agreement.

The food was brought out in no time and you tucked in with gusto. Usually, you would feel self-conscious while eating in front of such a composed man, but you didn’t care around him.

Kite finished his small portions and stared down at his hands. Thoughts came creeping up on him with sinister intent. He hoped he didn’t look too out of place in his suit. Of course, he would always stick out a little with his height and hair. He just prayed no one noticed his lanky build.

The night progressed with lots of laughs and little problems, so slowly, Kite started to feel more at ease. Even when Spinner began questioning him.

“So, how did you and y/n meet?” She questioned, leaning in uncomfortably close.

“Well, I was walking through the park and they had to close, so she walked me back.”

You perked up and added, “And then I saw him another time and he had to help me get through the grass.”

Spinner chuckled at that. That field was known to take down anyone. “You’re her savior, she owes you now, y’know.”

You shoved her away. “He doesn’t owe me anything,” you faced him once Spin finally left. “Sorry about her.”

Kite smiled, not the small, shy smile you were used to seeing. It was wide and bright. Your heart thudded and you felt your cheeks heat up. He was gorgeous.

“It’s okay, really. I’m hoping to make some connections tonight anyway.”

You agreed. Although you had been working at the park for a while, you hadn’t made very many good friends. Hopefully, that would change.

As the two of you talked, a figure entered the room. People who saw him stood and rushed over to him, bombarding him with questions. The commotion reached your ears and you stood up, trying to see over the crowd. Kite stood as well, easily able to see over the crowd. In the center of the crowd was a short man with disheveled, spiky hair. Kite’s breath got stuck in his throat and he couldn’t control the frown that bloomed on his face.

You noticed Kite tense up suddenly and you looked up, instantly worried when you saw his upset expression. His fists were clenched tightly and he turned quickly.

“I’m sorry, I need to go home.” He said quickly while gathering up his coat.

“What’s wrong?” You asked carefully.

Kite grimaced and turned back to confirm who he saw. Yes, he wasn’t wrong. “There’s someone here that I don’t want to speak to.”

You followed him, struggling to keep up with his long strides. “Who is it?”

“It’s Ging Freecs.” He stated, smoothly leaving through a side door. 

You still followed him through the door, thankfully his pace was slowing. 

“What’s his deal?” You asked.

Kite sighed and ran a hand through his smooth hair. “It’s a very long story.” He hoped you couldn’t see him shaking.

You walked out to the valet and waited for the car. Kite was eerily still and silent. He usually was, but then again he was usually much more relaxed. You had no idea what Ging must’ve done to summon such a reaction. Outside, Kite seemed to calm ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still staring straight ahead. “He and I have history, I guess.”

You shrugged. “It’s okay, I’m not gonna pry.”

His gaze softened. “I’ll let you pry once we’re in the car, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied. “How’d you like the food?” You tried changing the subject. Kite almost sighed in relief, he was very grateful for you at that moment.

“It was good, I just didn’t eat much because I was nervous.” He admitted. “I don’t usually get to go out to places like that, so I’m out of practice.”

You huffed a laugh and leaned a little close to him. Not close enough to touch, but Kite definitely noticed. “I get that. As much as I like going out with friends and stuff I usually can’t shake the nerves. It gets my stomach all messed up.”

The car returned and you thanked the valet before climbing in. Not knowing what else to say, you drove off in silence. Kite pondered over telling you but wasn’t sure if he should share so much information. He didn’t want to be vulnerable, but it killed him to hold everything up.

You decided to break the silence. “So, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m glad you agreed to come tonight.” 

Kite met your eyes, truly taken off-guard by how sincere you looked. You looked genuinely happy to be there with him, even though he made you leave early. At that moment, Kite wished he knew you more so he could lean into you and spill his guts. He suddenly realized there was so much he wanted to get off his chest, but he had no one. He really was alone.

“Thank you for bringing me,” he paused, looking away. “I’d really like to get to know you better. So I can tell you.”

“Mmm,” You hummed while keeping your eyes locked on the road. “I agree, but don’t feel pressured to tell me, I was just worried.”

Hearing that, Kite’s heart twisted. He wasn’t someone to be concerned over. “Don’t be worried, I just don’t wanna be anywhere near him.”

You smiled sympathetically. Luckily, Kite seemed to have calmed down considerably since you had left. He was staring out at the dark sky, watching the stars stay perfectly still in the sky. 

The highway soon gave way to the tree-filled roads and lush neighborhoods. The moon cast a cool glow over the area and you realized it was a calm, cloudless night. It was odd to have such clear weather in the season. Kite stared up at the moon and didn’t blink, trying to burn the image into his corneas.

You finally pulled up to his house and before you could get out, he turned to you saying, “Really, thank you for tonight, I’ll be in touch.” Then quickly stepped out of the car.

“Hey take it easy!” You called out.

Kite just glanced over his shoulder and waved as you drove off. He watched your car disappear into the night and wished you stayed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how I feel about this chapter but I wanted to set up some ging and kite drama woooo. poor guy. also I'm not sure how tall I want him to be because I looked it up and he's between 7 and 10 feet??? so I'm sticking with tall side of 6 feet


	4. friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gon helps out a bit

Harsh sunlight burned your tired eyes and you groaned, trying to block the invasive light with a hand draped over your sensitive eyes. The bed was so warm and comforting, you didn’t want to move ever. It was a Saturday. Unfortunately, you had to work, but you were bringing Gon with you.

You pulled yourself out of bed and planted your feet on the hard, cold ground. Your apartment was cozy and decorated just the way you had dreamed of when you were younger. Teenage you would be pleased. You headed into the shower and got to work on cleaning yourself up. Even though you would inevitably get dirty while working, you still took pride in your appearance. 

Once you were done, you threw some toast in the toaster and hurriedly got your uniform on. You were already cutting it close, but you still had to pick up Gon. 

Finally, after dashing around the apartment, you headed out the door and began the drive over to Mito’s. She was working out and visiting with other friends, so you offered to take Gon out. He always loved going to work with you, he had a real inclination to all things nature. Besides, he was always surprisingly helpful. 

Once you pulled up to the house, Gon immediately rushed out to greet you. He had a scary sense of always knowing when people showed up.

“Hi!” He hopped in, practically yelling.

You started the car and started driving. “Hey Gon, how was your morning?”

Gon seemed to think for a moment, his glassy eyes staring intently at the scenery whizzing by. “It was good. I woke up super early to watch the sunrise.”

You held back a smirk. You knew exactly who he had gone with. “And did you go alone?”

Gon glared at you. “Of course not, I went with Killua.”

“Ah, calm down, I’m not accusing you of anything.” You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Gon and Killua’s friendship was so precious to you. You were so happy that Gon finally found a friend.

“What are you doing today?” Gon asked.

“I don’t know yet,” you said as you pulled into your usual parking spot. “Here, come with me while I clock in, and then you can go wreak havoc.”

Gon trailed after you, barely able to keep himself from darting off to go look at something. You didn’t blame him, the day was unseasonably warm and pleasant. Fat, white clouds floated across the horizon without a care in the world, while flocks of birds sailed up and down through the wind. You smiled when you heard the familiar animal noises. The cold weather was nice, but you got tired of it after a time. The promise of Spring was enough to lift your spirits.

After you clocked in and got your assignment for the day, you left the service building and set out for the trails. That day, you would just be patrolling the grounds, making sure people weren’t damaging the property. Later, you would probably walk and test soil quality. Once you told Gon what you would be doing for the day, he insisted he follow you.

“It won’t be that interesting,” you said, starting your walk alongside the path. “You should go down to the stream.”

Gon shook his head. “Nope, I wanna help.”

You shrugged. “I guess you can, there’s just nothing to really help with.”

For a while, the two of you walked in silence, admiring your surroundings. Occasionally, you would catch a stray piece of trash and have Gon retrieve it. Other than that, he stayed quiet and observant.

“How’s school?” You decided to break the silence. You were a little worried, Gon wasn’t ever quiet.

“Oh, it’s good,” he said without looking back. “My bio teacher wasn’t in the other day so I was thinking about him.”

You suddenly remembered that Kite was his favorite teacher. The other day must’ve been the day after you went to dinner.

“Is he okay?” You asked. You didn’t want to pry too much, not that Gon would know anything.

Gon twirled around suddenly, squinting at you curiously. “Don’t you know him?”

You held your hands up. “Yeah, you caught me.”

“Well, I think he’s okay, he just seemed really sad after he came back.”

“What do you mean by sad?”

Gon turned back around, shuffling his feet a little. “He’s always really quiet and stuff, but for just that day he barely said a word, he just put on a documentary and let us do whatever.”

“Does he not usually do things like that?” You asked, suddenly wondering how he was as a teacher.

Gon shook his head. “No, even though he’s quiet he gets really into what he’s teaching and he doesn’t shut up,” he kicked at a rock in the path and slowed down to walk beside you. “Everyone noticed how upset he was.”

You felt the familiar weight of guilt creep up on you. It seems Kite wasn’t as okay as you had initially thought. You cursed yourself for not staying that night.

Gon noticed your blank stare at the ground. “You care about him.” He stated, shocking you out of your internal torment.

It caught you off guard. You knew Gon was freakishly observant but you didn’t know how much he had progressed emotionally. 

“I do, yes.” You said, then asked him to sit down with you.

“You should tell me everything,” he said. “I’m not a little kid anymore.”

He was right, you realized. Gon was almost fourteen and would understand. Besides, he probably just wanted to help you, his friend. So, you explained your connection to Kite, starting with how you met and the last time you had seen him. When you mentioned Ging, Gon stiffened.

“Ging is my dad.” He blurted out.

“Huh?” You figured Mito would’ve mentioned something like that.

Gon sighed and fell on his back, staring up at the overcast sky. “Yeah, he left when I was a baby so I don’t see him. I didn’t know he was alive until last year when I wouldn’t stop asking Mito about him.” he groaned, probably feeling uncomfortable sharing so much. Or maybe he just didn’t like Ging. “She told me how he abandoned me for his dreams. I still really look up to him though, even though he wasn’t really a dad to me.”

You nodded, not sure what to say. 

“So, sounds like Kite has some history with him.” He said, looking over at you.

You nodded. “I don’t know what it is, but he seemed really upset about it. I didn’t ask.”

“You should ask when you see him next.” Gon said. “He probably needs someone to talk to.”

You hummed in agreement, once again in astonishment at the boy’s emotional intelligence. He was wise beyond his years. It was no wonder people were drawn to him, Gon just radiated light.

You leaned back on the ground with Gon, deciding it wouldn’t hurt to take a break and just enjoy your surroundings. Closing your eyes, you let yourself be consumed by the sounds and scents of the forest. Dark soil full of life around your head, getting in your hair, deep calls of forest creatures, the grass you felt beneath the gentle pads of your fingers. You wished to be able to enjoy it with Kite.

_______________

After a long day of walking and chasing after Gon, you were finally able to go home. As you dropped Gon off at his house, he turned to you and said, “Make sure you actually talk to Kite, he seems like he needs a friend.”

You bid him farewell and took his words to heart. The drive back was completely quiet. You didn’t even realize you hadn’t put on any music until you reached home. You would make Kite your friend, you had to. For your sake and his.

Your apartment was cold and dark and quiet upon entering and you hurried to your bed, shivering. Once you were nice and warm until the covers while the house heated up, you pulled out your phone. Part of you was tempted to check up on Kite, but part of you said to give him space. Based on what Gon said though, did he really need to be any more alone?

You pushed away your doubts and composed a quick text, hitting send before you could change your mind. The worst that could happen would him not talking to you anymore. All you had said was: Hey, I know seeing Ging really upset you, so if you’d like to talk about it, I’m all ears :)

You failed to mention Gon, unsure if he was relevant to the equation. Even so, you mentally noted to get Gon something really nice for his birthday. You owed him.

While you waited for a response, you busied yourself with a warm shower. As much as you liked baths, you didn’t like ending up all pruney. The hard pattering of the water helped loosen your tense back and unwind after the long day. Hallelujah for good water pressure.

You spent more time than usual under the stream, thinking over your past encounters with Kite. You hoped you had a chance to be his friend. He was very hard to read, so every time you left you wondered whether he had actually enjoyed his time with you. He must have, though. He always had that soft smile on his face when you were talking.

Leaving the bathroom, you went back to your bedroom and got dressed in some comfy sweats. It was too early to try and sleep, but you wanted to just lay there and do nothing. You threw your thick blanket over your head and unlocked your phone. You saw a text from Kite.

Kite :) : It did upset me, but you don’t wanna hear about it. It’s a really long story.

You shot back with: Try me, I’m really curious, actually.

It took a moment for him to respond with: Okay, it would probably be good for me to tell someone. How about we go on a walk soon so I can explain everything?

You agreed and then figured out a time and place. As you bid him goodnight, your heart drummed excitedly in your chest, just at the prospect of seeing him again.


	5. why would you ever want me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kite opens up

Kite’s skin was hot and golden, the bright sun illuminating his pale complexion. His hair fell like a waterfall down his slender back, curving and moving with the same fluidity as water. The sun’s rays warmed his room up, banishing all the night’s cold. He breathed deeply into his sheets, ever the lover of a clean scent. 

When he first woke up, he knew that day would be different. Not only had he agreed to explain some of his tumultuous past, but it was blessedly sunny. It was as if he was being rewarded for his vulnerability. The bright weather would certainly make talking to you easier for him.

He rose, allowing his thin blanket to fall from his form. The floorboards seemed to help bounce him up, almost like they were encouraging him to get his day started. He relented, going to the bathroom to get himself together. Kite brushed his hair, momentarily holding it against his cheek. The sun had warmed it to the point of the strands feeling like little heated threads. Kite couldn’t help but smile. 

After a shower and getting dressed, he went into his modest kitchen and watered his plants. Then, he got to work on breakfast: that day being oatmeal and a smoothie. He wasn’t usually hungry in the morning, but he figured some food would help calm his nerves.

As excited as he was, he couldn’t shake the familiar creeping of self-doubt deep within his stomach. Of course, he knew you were just worried about him, but he couldn’t help but wonder how you’d react to his story.

Thinking of Ging made his head spin. He didn’t know how to feel about him. Now that you were in the mix, it only further complicated his already complex feelings.

Not wanting to lose his good mood, he distracted himself by reading in the living room. His sofa hugged his form and was the perfect mixture of soft and firm. He sunk into it, opening his book and losing himself in the story.

Not long passed until his phone went off, you alerting him of the time. He jolted up, gathering his things and practically running outside. He was so consumed by his book that he wasn’t even paying attention to the time. He doesn’t often get to lose himself like that, he mused.

Kite and you had agreed to meet at a local coffee shop and go from there. Kite wasn’t exactly a coffee drinker, but for you, he would be.

You were already there, waiting outside. The sun was casting a lovely glow across your features, highlighting every beautiful thing on your face. You turned, suddenly, catching Kite’s tall figure with your bright eyes. They stopped him in his tracks; he was temporarily flooded with so much emotion he couldn’t bring himself to move, for it would ruin the tender moment.

You ran up, ignoring the onlooking people. “Kite!” You stopped just in front of him, smiling up at his placid face. “I was worried you slept in or something, cmon, let’s go inside.”

Kite allowed himself to be dragged by you. “Sorry, I was reading. I don’t usually get that distracted, though.”

You barked out a laugh. “Must’ve been really good.” You stepped up to the counter to order, getting your usual. When it was Kite’s turn to order, he realized he had no idea what to get since he wasn’t a regular coffee drinker.

“What do you recommend?” He leaned down close to your ear to whisper his question, startling you and making your palms sweat. Did he have to sound so breathy when he spoke quietly?

“Um, if you want something normal just get a latte with flavoring.” You answered, hyper-aware of his head hovering next to yours.

“Hmm, okay,” he rose back to his full height and ordered something. You couldn’t hear, too distracted by your racing thoughts.

After the two of you retrieved your coffee, you led Kite outside to a relatively private bench. It was shrouded in shade from a tall, full tree. Kite sat, noticing how you hesitated. He wondered if you wanted to sit closer.

“So, how are you?” You started, taking a small sip from your cup.

“I’m doing alright, what about you? How’s work?”

You hated small talk and just wanted to get to the point, but you couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable that would make him. “It’s good, I got to show some of the animals to a group of kids.”

Kite hummed, maybe with amusement. He was too nervous to talk now.

“School’s been good too. The kids I’m teaching this year are something else.”

You smiled at that, briefly thinking of Gon. “I’m sorry,” you started. “I know I should’ve done more that night.”

Kite frowned, unsure of how to answer. “You couldn’t have done anything, so it’s okay. Don’t let it keep you up at night.”

You looked up at him, taking note of his guarded expression. He obviously did not want to say much, so you wouldn’t push it.

“I was worried,” you said, looking back down at your hands. “Well, I guess I still am. I get the feeling that you’re not as okay as you say you are. I can see it in your eyes, y’know.”

“I-,” Kite started, suddenly feeling himself close up like a clam. He had no idea what to say. You had really nailed it on the head, and here he thought he was being good at keeping his feelings in check. “I don’t know.”

“I know a kid you teach,” you blurted out. “His name’s Gon. He’s my friend’s kid.”

Kite looked down at you suddenly, completely taken by surprise. “Really? He’s an amazing kid, I would’ve never guessed you knew him. How is he?”

You smiled. “He’s really good, actually. He mentioned you though,” you explained, choosing your next words carefully. “I was watching him while I was working, and you came up. I was telling him about how I was a little worried about you, and Gon said he thought you looked sad all the time, especially after that dinner.”

Kite listened carefully before saying, “Yeah, that sounds like him. He’s so caring.”

“I’m just hoping you’re actually okay.”

“Yeah, I think so. Seeing Ging really shook me up, though.” Kite said softly.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me about him,” you reassured him. Oh, how you wanted to grab his hand.

Kite was staring down at his legs. “No, I will, I just can’t even think of where to start.”

You wanted to help, so you rose to your feet and proposed, “Let’s walk, maybe it’ll make it easier.”

You pulled it out of your ass, but Kite seemed to feel relieved. He was barely fidgeting, so you figured he should move.

“Okay,” he said and followed you.

You didn’t know where you were going, but it didn’t take long for you to reach a small, public park with a modest walking trail. The main roads were hidden by the trees and gave the illusion of privacy. Once you had walked a few minutes on the trail, Kite visibly relaxed, probably grateful to be away from all the people.

“So, again, don’t feel like you need to tell me about it,” you said, even though you did want to know, badly.

Kite thought for a moment, letting you catch up to him. His long legs carried him far away from you. “Well, I met Ging years ago when I had first started college. He lived in the same apartment complex as me and he was always having these insane ragers. I swear, I never got any sleep.” Kite said with a chuckle.

“Anyways, I was really impressionable and struggling to succeed. Because I was trying to make a name in the science community.” At that, he grimaced.

Ging was so skilled at everything, he remembered. Painfully, Kite recalled a time he went with Ging to an excavation site, where he watched with bright, adoring eyes.

“What’d he do to you?” You asked, unable to meet Kite’s nervous eyes.

Kite breathed, low and deep. “Well, I looked up to him so much. Even though his life was always a mess, he was able to discover things and make huge strides in the archeology community.”

You let out a low whistle. “He sounds impressive.”

“Yeah, he is,” Kite let out a bitter chuckle. “Anyways, he sort of caught on to how much I admired him, and I guess he exploited that.”

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath.

“Yeah, I followed him around so much it’s no surprise.”

For a moment it was silent. Kite stared straight ahead, feeling more unsure than ever. Memories drifted up, throwing him off. Ging standing before him, demanding more money and more of him, demanding he prioritize him over his work. Kite never could though, he couldn’t drop his whole life to run away like Ging always did.

“He would always run off, abandoning everything. His work, his classes, all his friends. But he always wanted me to do the same so we could ‘adventure together’.”

Ging’s disheveled face overtook his thoughts. Ging snapping and pinning him to the ground, hot, uncomfortable breath on Kite’s face. “If you gave a shit, you would come after me!” His brows were pinched, sweat was rolling down his face. At the moment Kite, recalled his tender touches and sweet whisperings, only for him.

“I can’t leave all of this!” Kite was yelling back, his teeth bared but his eyes watery. His first and only friend, leaving?

Ging cringed, leaning away from Kite’s face. “You think you meant something to me? You’re a fucking kid, you could be anyone.” Ging hissed, not caring at all about the man with who he’d shared a bed for months.

Kite shoved Ging off of him with anger. “If I was just another kid then why’d you always be with me? Why’d you spend so much time making me love you? Just for you to ask me to drop everything and chase you around the world?”

Ging narrowed his dark eyes and Kite realized that they were devoid of emotion. “I didn’t want you to, you just wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“So you just didn’t tell me?”

“No, you were too good a fuck, I’m sure someone else will realize that too.” Ging rose, striding out the door without looking back.

Kite took a deep breath, unable to meet your worried gaze. “He just took me, used me up, and got the hell out.”

You both had stopped walking and just stood motionless in front of the trees.

“What do you mean, used up?” You asked it carefully, already knowing the answer.

Kite looked down at you and noticed you shivering. You looked pale. “Ah, don’t make me say it.”

You looked up at him. Although he sounded nonchalant, his expression was completely stoic. “I think I understand, it’s okay.”

“Yeah, the first friend I made in college completely took advantage of my admiration. God, the amount of times I just let him show up unannounced and get off just cause he had a shitty day was unreal.” Kite cringed thinking about it. He suddenly hoped you wouldn’t think of him any differently, he hadn’t considered it when he opened his mouth. 

You had gone silent. You closed your eyes, searching for the right words until you realized there was nothing you could say. So, you did what you thought was best and took Kite’s hand in your own.

Kite’s heart jumped and his raging emotions stalled, caught off guard by your soft, small hand. Abruptly, he got scared. Who was he to dump all that on you? You didn’t need to share his burden, it wasn’t fair to you. And yet, there you were, staring down and gripping his hand for dear life.

“Sorry.” You said, yanking your hand back. Your cheeks were hot and your heart threatened to pound out of your chest.

Kite held his hand up to his chest, chasing the lingering warmth you left. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry for just dumping all of that on you.”

You walked in front of him, finally facing him. “It’s okay, now I get why you were so upset. You didn’t deserve that, y’know.”

Kite couldn’t meet your soft gaze. You looked too serious, too empathetic. He deserved every bit of it for being stupid. “Let’s go home.” He said, avoiding your last statement.

Unable to speak, you simply followed him out of the lush park and back out into the road. As if it were matching the atmosphere, the sun’s rays shined harsher through the clouds, forcing you to squint up at Kite. He stayed silent, waiting for cars to pass before crossing the street. The air around him seemed cold and unsettled.

Once you reached the coffee shop where you met, Kite awkwardly turned to face you. His expression was contorted with nerves and he vaguely wondered how he’d ever be able to face you again.

Despite his cold demeanor, you smiled up at him the best you could. “I know that was hard for you, and as much as I don’t want you to be alone right now, I feel like you don’t want me around right now.” As the words left your lips, you grimaced. You had worded that horribly.

“Uh, I didn’t mean you don’t want me here, I was just thinking you want to be alone and think, y’know?” You tried to redeem yourself, offering Kite a strained smile.

Kite almost laughed despite the torrent of feelings threatening to burst through his mask. “It’s okay, and you’re right, I do want to think about some things.”

Kite looked down at your awkward expression. You looked so torn, he figured you wanted to stay but couldn’t bring yourself to ask. Internally, he sighed. Maybe he would have you stay another day, he just didn’t deserve it yet. Even though your face was awkwardly holding up the smile, he still found you stunning. He hoped that someday he would be able to hold your hand more, under a different circumstance.

“Okay, in that case, I’ll head home.” You said, once again reaching for his clasped hands.

You held his two hands within yours, not able to even connect your fingertips around them. Kite flushed ever so slightly, praying you didn’t notice.

“I’ll let you know when I’m home, okay?”

You let go of his hands, already missing their weight. “Okay.”

Kite turned, disappearing into the crowd. You drifted off, trying not to think of his painful voice. If anything made you friends, this would be it, you mused. 

As you finally made it home, you resolved to see him again and let him know that no one would ever hurt him like that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know exactly how I feel about this chap and I still can't figure out how to get italics on here >_< anyways our poor guy. there are brighter things planned!!


	6. veins

School was finally over. Kite couldn’t stop himself from plopping down on his chair and taking a moment because starting his after-school tasks. Usually, he wasn’t one to sit while teaching, but lately, he had been feeling exhausted at the end of the day. He didn’t want to blame it on telling you everything, but there was no other explanation.

He desperately wanted to reach out to you, but you hadn’t said anything yet. He hadn’t heard from you in over a week. It was strange, you were usually so attentive. He grimaced without realizing it, bitter because he just wanted to hear from you, but was too afraid to speak first.

After mulling over his thoughts for a while, Kite finally rose and began picking up the classroom, putting the lab equipment away, and such.

As he worked, his door creaked open. Kite turned and faced the short figure.

“Hi Kite!” It was Gon, ever a beacon of light.

Despite his internal discourse, Kite smiled. “Hey, what’s up?”

Gon sat on a table across from him, watching him put away beakers. “Can I help clean up? I forgot to earlier and my mom’s friend is gonna be late picking me up.”

At that, Kite’s ears perked. “You’re mom’s friend, huh?”

“Yeah,” Gon nodded. “I think you know her, but I don’t remember.”

As intelligent as the boy was, he really did have an awful memory. 

“Is it y/n?” Kite asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah!” Gon hopped off of the table, grabbing the box of beakers to put them away. “She told me about you a while ago and how she wanted to be friends. So I said ‘yeah be his friend.’ Are you friends yet?”

Kite thought for a moment. Were you? He did open himself up and expose a vulnerable side to you. “I suppose we are, I just haven’t heard from her in a while.”

Gon huffed as he tried to scramble up the counter and reach the high shelves. “Yeah, she told me that. You guys should just hang out. Both of you are waiting for the other to talk first.” Gon laughed, shaking his head. “You’re so silly, you both like each other, right?”

Kite flushed, unable to hide his smile. Gon, even though he was scatter-brained, always nailed it on the head. “You’re right.”

“Uh-huh.” Gon said matter-of-factly. “You gotta listen to me more.”

After that, Kite and Gon worked side by side in silence. Kite didn’t mind it, though, Gon’s presence was incredibly comforting. With two working, it didn’t take long for the room to get back to an acceptable state.

Kite loved his classroom; it was one of his favorite places to be. He had done it up with lots of plants and ambient lighting. Taking care of his plants gave him some purpose. The vines of some of the older ones hung low, almost touching the floor. They reminded his students of his long hair, which he usually wore down while working.

A science classroom wouldn’t be complete without the posters. He had a massive period table chart overtaking a portion of a wall, as well as multiple animal posters. He prided himself on creating a comfortable environment for the kids to learn.

Gon, after finishing his last task, sat heavily on a beanbag in the corner. Another thing the students loved was Kite’s wide variety of unconventional classroom seats. Anywhere you looked, you would find kids piled in beanbags or slumped over an armchair.

“Is y/n going to get here soon?” Kite asked, failing to sound disinterested.

Gon darted out of the class without a word. Kite just leaned against his desk and smiled to himself. It didn’t take long for Gon to run back in, dragging you behind him.

“Hey, we gotta go,” You stopped when you saw him, Kite, leaning elegantly against a dark, wood desk.

“It’s you,” you breathed out quietly. Gon was at your side, staring up at you with eyes full of questions.

Kite gave you that gentle, soft smile. “It’s been a while.”

“Gon?” You held your hand out and beckoned the boy to follow you. 

Before you could walk out, you had an idea and told Gon to go ahead. Nervously, you faced Kite.

“Do you want to come with me for dinner?” You asked confidently, looking directly into his shadowy eyes.

“Yeah, I’m done with everything here.”

“Good,” you smiled and led him out the door and to your car.

“Why do I have to sit in the back?” Gon whined.

You smirked at him in the rearview mirror. “I don’t think he’d be able to fit, Gon.”

While Gon grumbled, you pulled out and studied Kite’s elegant profile. His long, slender nose sloped softly down and hooked slightly at the bottom. Maybe on another person, it would seem unattractive, but it suited him perfectly. After all, he was all lean and tall and long.

Once again, the weather was pleasant and warm, so you rolled the windows down and the whole car fell into a peaceful silence. Gon’s small hands drifted out the window, tracing aimlessly through the wind. Kite gazed out at the scenery, propping his head up lazily with his hand. You tried focusing on the road, but his presence next to you was distracting. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

_______________

Gon went inside and Mito waved goodbye. After he disappeared into his house, you sat still staring ahead. You felt Kite next to you, but neither of you knew what to say next.

“I’m sorry-”

“I didn’t mean-”

Your eyes met and you chuckled despite your nerves. Kite smiled and flushed.

“You go first,” you offered.

“Ah, I was just going to say sorry for not reaching out. After telling you all that I didn’t really know what to do with myself.”

You understood. He bared his soul to you and retreated. It was a perfectly normal reaction, you figured.

“Well, it’s alright. I figured you needed some space anyway.”

You didn’t see it, but Kite’s smile morphed into something resembling shame. “That’s very kind of you.”

“We can talk more later,” you offered. “I wanna take you to a park I really like.”

“That’s fine by me,” anything with you would be fine.

The park was an old one. It was established long ago enough to have a significant amount of work done on it; such as stone paths and fountains in the ponds. The sky was still bright, but fat clouds began creeping up on the horizon. You figured that once you sat down, you wouldn’t have long to eat before it started raining. Silently, Kite made the same observation.

It didn’t take long for you to reach the spot you had in mind; It was a small clearing next to a pond, somewhat secluded from the paths. A massive weeping willow tree hung its feathery limbs over the patch of ground, casting an uneven shadow about the ground.

Kite inhaled deeply, grounding himself with the scents of the soil and freshwater. You stood beside him, looking up at his peaceful expression. It was as if he belonged out in nature.

You sat, beckoning him over while you pulled out a basket you had kept hidden.

Kite folded himself down, staying an arm’s length away from you (to your disdain). “What’s in the basket?”

You smiled and started pulling out pieces of bread and fruits you had packed.

Since you were busy with the food, you didn’t catch the touched expression that broke on Kite’s face.

“Did you do this for me?” He asked tentatively, reaching for a piece of bread almost cautiously.

You smiled and handed him the bread. “Actually no, I was gonna come by myself, but when I saw you I just had to invite you.” You took a bite out of an apple. “I feel bad about not checking up on you.”

Kite regarded the bread. It was beautifully made and he was suddenly overcome with gratefulness for you.

“I’m okay, really, I did miss hearing from you.” He admitted.

Abruptly, you felt bad for not saying anything. Of course, you assumed he needed space or didn’t want to talk to you. You grimaced. He did say he wanted to think about things, but maybe he did want you to stay.

“I did want to stay with you.”

“I don’t deserve that.” Kite replied darkly.

Your eyes darted up, expecting to meet his but instead seeing his hat, slung low over his eyes. 

“No, you don’t. I wanted to stay.” He needed you to stay, you realized. He just didn’t think he deserved it. Why you didn’t understand.

Kite still wouldn’t look up, it was starting to irritate you. So, you scooted close to his side and gently placed your hand on his. Distantly, you observed the size difference and sighed, hoping to have his hands reciprocate.

“Why are you doing that?” As he whispered, a gentle breeze blew through and made his hair drift and flutter against your arm. You shuddered and caught the way Kite’s ears turned red.

“Because I want to.” Of course, you did. Kite was a beautiful man and he was being stubborn. 

He finally looked at you, pulling his hat off in the process. “Telling you was hard. I did want you to stay.” He finally admitted.

With nothing else to say, you settled back, still leaving your hand on his. Kite was hyper-aware of your skin touching his, your warmth seeping into his bones.

“I don’t know what to do with you.” He said, suddenly taking his hand out from under your and grabbing it, holding your hand tightly in his.

“Why do you need to know?” You tried not to be distracted over his thin, long hand. You could see tiny blue veins lying just beneath the skin.

“Hmm,” he mused, turning his head up to look at the darkening sky. “I don’t know. Being with you is too good, I guess.”

You tenderly intertwined your fingers with his, absently noticing how much longer his were. His thumb softly rubbed the back of your hand. Kite almost kissed it.

“Maybe it’s good for a reason.” You smiled and squeezed his hand.

As Kite looked at your profile, laughing and feeling so carefree around him, he finally understood. He met you for a reason. You felt just as happy around him, so even if he didn’t deserve feeling so good, you didn’t deserve to be denied the happiness you felt with him.

After watching your beautiful face light up against the darkening sky, Kite joined in with your laughter, still holding your hand tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i feel about this one but here, a crumb to tide yall over while I sort out a huge chapter <3


	7. unworthy

Kite sat outside on the cabin porch, looking over the misty morning forest. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes and letting his mind wander. You had convinced him to take a day or two off and escape somewhere, just to think. Personally, Kite thought that thinking was the last thing he should do, but he begrudgingly agreed once he realized how much he had been working.

So, he took a three day weekend and drove out far into the mountains, covered with trees and life and isolated from the world. His rental cabin was small and secluded; the nearest neighbor was miles away, just how he wanted.

It wasn’t until he got there that he felt gratitude swell in his heart. You were watching out for him, truly a good friend. The urge to be with you temporarily overwhelmed him. Maybe, you were the one who would stay and keep him safe.

Before he left, Kite didn’t check the forecast and was surprised to wake up the gentle sound of rain on the window. It pattered softly on the glass, waking him from the most restful sleep he had in months. When he willed his eyes open, he was greeted with the sight of a perfectly gray sky and tall branches reaching towards the hidden sun. Without being able to see the sun, Kite wasn’t able to tell the time, but instead of feeling anxious, he felt at peace. If he was meant to stay in bed longer, then he would. No one would see him or be able to judge him.

When he absentmindedly smoothed his arm over the covers, he suddenly realized that he had been searching for a warm body in the bed. With a twist in his heart, he thought of you. He wondered what you slept in. You would look good in his shirts, he decided.

Eventually, he pulled himself out of the covers and shivered when his feet met the cool wood floor. The cabin was small, not cramped. It was only one room and one bathroom, with a large living room. Natural light came in through windows on all sides so Kite didn’t feel the need to use the electric lights.

In the bathroom, he barely looked in the mirror as he stepped into the clawfoot tub. Can’t fit, he thought sardonically. Once he stretched all the way out, his legs still bunched up at the end. At least it was better than most tubs, he mused.

As he let the water fill up, he smoothed his hands along the contours of his body. The smooth ups and downs of his arms, the lean edges of his stomach, and his long, thick hair. He twisted it around in his hands, a nervous habit. Lately, he hadn’t been aware of his body as he used to be. He wondered what changed, thinking of your small hands around his.

Sitting there in the warm water, Kite couldn’t help but think of you. When your hands finally met, all he could feel was your tender warmth, reaching into his skin and burrowing down into his bones. He thought of your smile and sweet expression as you gently took his hands into your own.

Kite wasn’t stupid, he knew you wanted something more with him. However, he didn’t know if he had earned it or not yet. Of course, he wanted you as well, but his dark, ugly memories kept pulling him back under and convincing him he wasn’t worthy.

If his past with Ging was tangible, Kite figured it would resemble a pit of tar, always there and clinging to him. You were at its edge, desperately trying to pull him out. He didn’t want to taint you, to mar your purity with his harsh personality.

The water was getting cool but Kite remained motionless, allowing his hair to float around his face. He distantly wondered whether you would help him brush it or not. Your hands were smaller than his, which wasn’t a surprise, and warm. They would feel good just about anywhere.

He felt his face flush as he used his hands to replicate yours, dragging them across his chest in a small hug. Every time you looked up at him, your eyes were hooded and it looked far more seductive than you probably had ever intended.

With a jump, Kite realized he was getting hard, just at the thought of you touching him. Your small hands cupping his thin face, threading themselves into his wispy hair. He thought of your lips on his and from there, his fantasy grew more intense. Your gentle, warm hands, skillfully gripping the base of his cock.

Kite’s own hands palmed his erection and he tried convincing himself it was okay, okay to think of you that way. 

His silence quickly morphed into low groans and quiet sighing, echoing off the bathroom walls. His skin lit up, swiftly banishing the coldness of the water as Kite slowed down his hands, trying to delay his orgasm as much as possible.

Distantly, a voice within him scoffed. If you knew…

Absently, as if it were a thought placed delicately in his head, Kite wondered what your mouth felt like. Would it be warm and wet and welcoming? Or would you never let him get close enough to find out?

With a low, drawn-out moan, Kite finally came into the cold water. After his heart rate returned to normal and his head cleared up, he slumped heavily over the side of the tub and stared at the tile floor. The white squares and the brown grout.

It took him a while to actually start moving again; he didn’t until he realized how wrinkled his skin had gotten. Dragging himself up, he wrapped a fluffy towel around his lanky form and went back to the bedroom.

“What am I doing,” he said to no one, pressing his face into his hands.

Within the darkness of his hands, he saw you staring up in confusion. 

“Kite,” you said, stepping closer.

He stepped back, trying not to meet your sympathetic gaze. “I can’t be around you, I’ll break you and you’ll leave and I’ll be alone again.” 

You didn’t listen, just reaching for him and wrapping your arms around his thin waist. “Yes, we need each other.”

His heart pounded hard and angry, angry at Kite for even thinking for a second he could be with someone like you. His mind wandered to Ging and Kite almost cried at the cold familiarity.

A memory. Ging coming home at an ungodly hour, ripping Kite out of his sleep and pushing his head down on his cock.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Looking up, Kite couldn’t see Ging’s eyes, they just looked like shadowy pits. Kite fell into them.

He couldn’t even respond, but Ging knew that. After all, he had Kite’s hair in a vice-like grip, shoving his dick as far down Kite’s throat as he could. Kite never liked that.

Ging didn’t shave, so his long, unkempt hair got in Kite’s mouth and he had to keep himself from gagging. Ging wouldn’t like that. Disgusted with himself, Kite regarded the impressive size of Ging’s cock and wondered when he would actually fuck him. Or the other way around. 

For as long as they had been sharing favors, Ging had never gone that far with him. Always saying he wasn’t wanting his dick “tainted”.

With a final, painful thrust, Ging finally came into Kite’s mouth and pulled away, leaving him alone with a raging hard-on and a torrent of emotions.

After those encounters, Kite would sit on his bed with his legs curled up to his chest and wonder what he had to do to make Ging stay.

No matter what he did, he never would stay. Eventually, he just stopped coming back, despite everything. You would be the same, it’s what he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if I like this chapter or not, but I wanted to go more into kite's past and the root of his feelings so this was born


	8. why would you wanna be with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk just pain

Kite’s trip had ended a few days ago, but he still hadn’t reached out. The day he got back, he let you know he was okay, then left, explaining that he was tired from the drive. You gave him distance, but it had been long enough. You needed to see him.

It was the weekend, so you laid curled up under your covers. You felt safe under the heavy blankets, and they may have given you the confidence to finally text Kite, asking him to come over whenever. His response was quick, stating he would be over in two hours.

You released a sigh of relief; you would have some time to get yourself and your apartment together. You weren’t a messy person generally, but you felt like Kite was perfectly clean. The type of person who made their bed every single morning. You opted to stay in your sweats and went to the bathroom for a much needed shower. Sitting down under the warm spray, you allowed your mind to wander. You didn’t want to be too nervous once Kite arrived.

Of course, you were only human, so as your thoughts mindlessly drifted, you kept seeing flashes of Kite. Most notably the time you showed up at his house when he was sick. You recalled his tall, lean torso, still damp from a shower. 

Then, your mind went to the time when he lifted you up as if you weighed nothing. As you were held tight to his chest, you were intensely aware of the hard planes of his chest and the wiry, lean muscles in his biceps. Just thinking about it made you flush. It was then you realized you were getting wet, the urge to touch yourself becoming too obvious to ignore.

With a grunt of frustration, you trailed your hands down your stomach, trying your best to take your time and build some anticipation. How would Kite do it? His hands were massive, his fingers long and spindly. You figured he would start nervously, unsure of himself and his abilities. Suddenly, you gripped the meat of your thighs, hard, gasping at the sudden pain. Would he be rough?

Soon, you became too impatient to drag it out any longer and finally dipped a finger into your hungry cunt. Your clit stayed unattended; you would get to her later.

As you gently, slowly curled your finger up against your spongy walls, your eyes screwed shut. The walls of the shower echoed your loud moans right back to you, only serving to make you feel more shame.

You couldn’t bring yourself to care when your mind supplied you with the tantalizing view of Kite, shirtless, damp, glaring down at you. Distantly, you knew you would care once you finished, but it was too good to acknowledge anything else aside from the pleasure.

You desperately wished you were bolder at that moment instead of standing awkwardly before him. You should’ve shown him exactly how you felt about him, you should’ve pulled his head down and captured him in a hot kiss, full of emotion.

“Ah, fuck,” you choked out, suddenly aware of the cooling water.

You finally attended to your neglected clit, smoothing small circles on it while jerking your fingers erratically against the sweet spot deep inside of you. As you came, you wondered how easily Kite would be able to reach it, with those monstrously long fingers of his.

Once you had sat for a moment, you became very aware of the cold water and the release drenching your inner thighs. Making quick work of it, you cleaned yourself off and hopped out of the shower. Staring yourself down in the mirror, you couldn’t help but cringe at your actions.

Kite was uncertain about himself enough, if he ever found out what you just did it could possibly crush him. 

You groaned aloud, setting your head heavily in your hands. It felt good at the moment, but you felt like a shit person afterward. 

You resolved there was nothing you could do about it and resumed getting ready. You would try to forget that it was one of the best orgasms you had in a long time.  
_______________

Kite stood in front of your door, cautiously, as if he were afraid of what lied inside. He knocked softly and wondered, again, why he had agreed to come. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see you, oh, he did, he just had all those painful memories brought up while he was away. He didn’t want to face them with you.

Before he could fall deeper into his thoughts, you pulled open the door and greeted him with a bright, infectious smile.

“Hey,” Kite had to duck his head to step and started looking around your living space for the first time.

You had a nice space, he decided. The floorplan was open, so he could see into your kitchen. Unfortunately, the ceiling was low and he was very aware of the distance between his head and the doorframes.

You flushed self consciously and stared at his broad back. “Hi, it’s been a while,” you said, before nervously adding, “I missed you.”

At that, Kite stiffened, tentatively turning to face you. “Missed me?” He questioned. “I, well, I missed you as well.” You sensed a bit of hesitation in his words and tried not to think about it.

When he admitted it, he put his head down and turned back around, making a beeline for your couch. You stayed still for a moment, partially in shock and embarrassment. Remnants of your arousal from earlier raised their heads in interest. You willed it down and sat on the couch with Kite, keeping a respectable distance.

He had his signature blue cap on and had a gray sweater with dark jeans on. You had to admit that he looked very nice. Though, he usually did.

“So, how was the trip? You never told me much.” You started, not sure if it was a good idea to delve into anything serious.

Kite shrugged in response, staring out your window at the trees. “It was good, I think. I had lots of time to think, which probably wasn’t best.”

“Why’s that?”

You missed his mouth screw up in a grimace. “I tend to dwell on the past when I’m alone. It usually doesn’t end well.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, genuinely. It was never your intention to suggest something destructive to him.

He let out a low chuckle and you squirmed a little when you saw a flash of a sardonic smirk, all teeth. It was way too erotic.

“It’s okay, I knew what I was getting into, but still. I really hate thinking about all of that.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure being alone isn’t a very good way to relax.”

“I couldn’t have brought anyone along, but I suppose you’re right,” he mused with a smile.

“Well, next time invite me.” You said, trying to sound casual. When he stayed silent, you sneaked a peek at his hooded eyes. They were watching you and you jumped nervously once you noticed.

Kite smiled softly and looked back out the window. “I feel better alone, but at the same time, I know it’s not good for someone like me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, just someone who needs help but doesn’t feel as though they deserve it. Like I said, being around the people I love feels unnatural because I don’t believe I deserve to have my feelings reciprocated.” Kite admitted, folding his hands in his lap and staring at them thoughtfully.

You understood and you decided to selfishly show it by grasping his hand again. 

Kite’s dark eyes were hot on your skin, and suddenly, you couldn’t meet his gaze. 

“You keep doing that.” He stated quietly, matter-of-factly.

You nodded, finally mustering the courage to meet his eyes. They shone with an unknown feeling and you wanted to pull him close to you and wrap yourself around him.

“Should I stop?”

Kite stilled and stared at your joined hands. “-No.”

You scooted a little closer, close enough to feel his breath and have to look up at him. Even seated, he towered over you.

“What are you afraid of?”

Kite gripped your hand and studied your knuckles. He watched the tendons move under your skin and gently traced them with his finger. “I don’t want you to leave me,” he admitted in a heavy breath.

“I won’t.” You retaliated, suddenly feeling bolder. You took his hand and placed it up against your cheek, closing your eyes and just taking in the sensation. Hesitantly, Kite opened his fist and cupped your face, noting how his hand took up the entire side of your head.

“I-,” he couldn’t think of the right words to say. “I don’t know that.”

You opened your eyes and looked up at him, almost sighing at the sight of his handsome face.

“Can you trust me?” You asked, eyes full of hope.

Kite grimaced, taking his hand from your soft skin. The moment he did, he regretted it. Your eyes faltered and the confidence leaked from you as you scooted away. He needed you. 

“I can’t have anyone leave me again, it’ll crush me.” He quietly admitted.

You looked down at your floor, the hurt of rejection forcing you to close off. “I wouldn’t.”

“I don’t know that for sure,” he huffed, starting to stand. “This was a mistake, I knew it was.”

“Hey?” You jumped up, following him to the door. “Don’t go, just tell me how I can prove it to you.” You pleaded to his back.

Looking over his shoulder again, he saw you desperately search for something to say, anything to make him stay. Inside, his heart lurched and urged him to stay, tried convincing him it would work out, that you were right. But his head hissed and shoved the desires of his heart away and reminded him of every last person he had gotten close to. You would be no different.

“I’m sorry, just let me go.” Kite stepped out and softly shut the door behind him.

Before you could even think of rushing out after him, you leaned against the wall, unable to support yourself. You sunk and curled against the wall, shuddering at the sensation of hot tears rolling down your face. 

“What the hell?” You couldn’t stop yourself from cursing out loud.

You could show him, you wanted to. You wanted him so bad, but when you stood up and looked out the window, he was already long gone. That time, he didn’t let you know when he got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst angst angst angst. idk how realistic this is but I tried my best lol. thanks again for all the kind comments <3 it means a lot and gets me motivated.


	9. he needs her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kite meets pitou

Outside of the classroom, high in the sky, stormclouds brewed. 

“Bye, Mr. Kite!” His students called out and he waved, not really paying them any mind.

Once the classroom was finally, blessedly quiet, he could think. He could be alone like he deserved. His traitorous thoughts brought up your broken expression again and Kite couldn’t hold back a sneer. 

His heart clenched at the thought of you as if to try and convince his mind that he was wrong. That he completely screwed up. At that thought, he audibly scoffed. He shouldn’t have ever gotten close to you, he ruined everything.

His phone was so close and so were you. He could easily shoot you a text or drive over to your apartment to apologize and explain that he would never deserve you. But he willed himself not to, told himself it would be better to cut contact and stay away.

It had been two weeks since then and he hadn’t heard a single word from you. Hadn’t even seen you at the park, not that he was looking. The coworker he met, Spin, had glared when she saw him, spinning away from him and stomping off into the trees.

He really fucked up.

The walk home was bleak, not just because of his mood. The weather just so happened to perfectly reflect his internal turmoil. The sky was gray, fat, heavy-looking clouds broke up the monotony of the color. Kite figured it would rain for a couple of days. 

As he got to his front door, he wanted to turn back and run all the way back to you. His house just looked so cold.

Ging, in his thoughts, chuckled darkly, saying, “You did exactly what I thought you would.”

Kite tried not to respond.

“She liked you. A lot. You ruined that all because you were scared.”

Kite threw his things down and headed straight for his bathroom, hoping a dark shower would drown out Ging’s voice. It sometimes worked. More often, Ging’s voice would leave if he was with you. But, you were now so far out of reach.

The water was steaming when he got in and burned. Kite flinched at the impact but willed himself to stay under the spray. He didn’t turn the bathroom light on, so he was surrounded by darkness and scalding water. It was uncomfortable, but it was fitting. He got what he deserved. For being filthy.

“Ah, good,” Ging was still there, barely hanging onto the edge of his thoughts. “You still remember what you are, what you deserve for being so dirty. For letting me use you up and take all I wanted from you.”

Mercifully, the unpleasant presence of Ging faded away from Kite’s consciousness and he was allowed a sliver of peace. However, it didn’t take long for your hopeless face to fill his mind, utterly crushed from his senseless rejection.

He made a mistake, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. He itched to just grab his phone or drive over and try again. But, he didn’t.

Kite left the shower, feeling no more clean than he was when he stepped in. His warm bed beckoned and he gently situated himself under the covers, his hand trailed over the soft surface. Subconsciously, he knew he was seeking you out, your warmth and sweet voice.

After a while of brooding in bed, Kite decided to go out for some tea. Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he figured it would be better than staying in all afternoon. After throwing on his usual attire, he left and opted to walk to the nearby cafe.

The sky was still overcast but it hadn’t started raining yet. Wind sailed through the trees that lined the sidewalk and brought a chill with it. People weren’t out, which was odd for the time of day.

The cafe was equally empty, with only two workers and another customer in the building. At first glance, the short figure looked vaguely feminine, but Kite couldn’t put his finger on it. He studied the person from behind, noting their kind of obnoxious cat ear headband. Their hair was shoulder-length and silvery, like his. It immediately interested him, as it wasn’t often he saw his same hair color.

“Will you keep staring, or say something?” Came a sly voice in front of him.

Kite looked down and almost jumped when he met the person’s piercing red eyes.

“Well?” They asked sarcastically.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to stare, my bad.” Kite politely responded; a fight was the last thing he wanted.

The person regarded him with an equally distant and curious stare. “What’s your problem?”

Kite almost didn’t respond, but then realized that there was no way he was projecting his feelings. “What do you mean?”

They narrowed their eyes. “You are upset, I won’t push.” Then they turned back to the counter to order.

Kite was left standing there, utterly confused. “Hey, what’s your name?”

They turned back with their hot coffee, taking in the strong scent with a small smile. “I’m Neferpitou, but please, call me Pitou.”

“I’m Kite.”

Pitou walked towards a window seat and sat while Kite ordered his tea. While he did so, he distantly wondered what had gotten into him, he wasn’t usually the type of person who made conversation with strangers. Though, he supposed he wasn’t the one who started it.

As he walked to where Pitou was sitting, he noticed that in addition to the cat headband, they wore a slim, white cat tail. 

“What’s with the cat get-up?” He tried to sound nonchalant and didn’t want to offend Pitou.

“I don’t know,” they said honestly, looking down at their ridiculous tail. “I just like it, I guess. What’s with the hair?”

Kite was twisting it in his hands when they asked and looked down at the long strands. “I don’t know,” he said with a smile. “I just like it, I guess.”

Pitou smiled widely, a genuine smile, and Kite couldn’t help but think it resembled a cat.

“Give me your number,” Pitou demanded. “I haven’t met someone I wanted to fight so much in such a long time.”

Kite cautiously handed them his phone. “What do you mean, fight?”

Pitou slid his phone back and still had that smile plastered on their face. “It’s exactly what it sounds like, I want to fight you.”

“I don’t think I want to do that,” Kite said, finally feeling the first hints of unease in the situation. Something wasn’t right, despite Pitou’s friendly demeanor. There was something he was missing under their words, Kite just couldn’t place it.

“It would be fun, you seem strong.” They stood up and waited for Kite to follow.

It took a moment for Kite to process their unsaid words. “You mean right now?”  
Pitou began walking backward, keeping their eyes lasered on Kite. “Obviously, if you’re not busy.”

Kite stood, not listening to the anxiety curling in his stomach. “I’m not, but still. This is weird.”

“Nothing about it is.” 

Outside, the rain had finally started to fall. Kite tied back his hair and didn’t pay any mind to the cold and the water soaking his clothes. He just knew he had to get out.

“Hey, I’m gonna go home,” Kite called over to Pitou, who had wandered over to a secluded alley. “You can delete my number, I don’t want to fight or anything.”

In the dark rain, it was hard to see what Pitou was doing. They seemed to stiffen and stayed facing away.

“Fine, we’ll do that later, but you’re not leaving.”

In the span of a breath, Kite was knocked against the hard, rough brick of a building and was forced to sink into a sitting position. Pitou’s red glare overtook his vision and he was all too aware of their warm breath on his mouth.

“What-” Kite started, interrupted by Pitou gripping his wrists hard.

“Soon, we will fight,” they hissed close to his ear. “If you truly don’t want to, then I’ll fight you in other ways.”

“You’re just bored, aren’t you?” Kite asked, working his hands out of their grasp.

Pitou sat back in a puddle with their knees drawn up to their chin. They gazed at him through hooded eyes. 

“Yeah, I am. And you’re sad so we both need something to do, I guess.” Pitou finally answered.

“And I’m something to do?”

“Yeah, if you’ll let me.”

Without thinking too hard about it, Kite gave in and nodded. Happily, the voice of Ging distantly said, “You’re finally getting what you deserve, filthy bitch.”

Kite ignored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not plan to have the whole rejection scene or pitou but I really wanna drag this story out, I just hope it doesn't feel too out of character or forced. also big thanks to everyone confirming kite's height <3
> 
> also!! i just made a wattpad account under the user boogyyy so if you run across that its me, don't worry :) I'll just be reposting my works on there


	10. bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kite has a realization

Your mind wandered as you walked through the tall grasses in the back of the park. A dog had gone missing. However annoying it was to track down pets, you were grateful for the distraction. It was Valentine’s Day and the park was filled with couples and lovers and you couldn’t bear to see it. The only grace extended to you was that Spin was also working.

You told her what had happened and you had to talk her down from doing something stupid (like killing the guy). Just thinking about it put you in a sour mood, despite it being about a month since Kite had rejected you.

You breathed out a quiet sigh and stared down at your boots as you made your way through the fronds. Suddenly, you realized that those were the same grasses Kite had helped you through, all those months ago. Without being able to stop yourself, your expression screwed up and you swallowed back a lump that appeared in your throat.

“Shit,” you stepped in a deep pool of mud and before you realized it, your leg was hopelessly trapped.

While you reached for your phone to contact Spin, you took in the dreary surroundings. It was unseasonably cold, complete with a gray sky and the absence of bird sounds.

The golden grass contrasted beautifully with the sky, though. You smiled a little at the sight. There was nothing that you loved more than being completely alone in the middle of a natural world. Even though you couldn’t see the sun, you still felt a gentle warmth pool inside of you.

Things would be okay, and maybe, you could try again. 

Even so, you had deleted his number and stopped looking for him when you picked Gon up from school. Gon, ever so intuitive, somehow realized you weren’t seeing Kite anymore and no longer brought him up.

Despite being hurt, you still wished the best for Kite and were honestly more worried than anything. It wasn’t like him to so suddenly act out like that. After a while of self-reflection and examining (to see if you were the problem) you realized he must have many more underlying issues he never told you about. Possibly related to Ging, you figured.

So, after gathering that, you decided that if he reached out, you would accept him with open arms. Only if he told you why he did it. Why he wouldn’t trust you. 

You grounded yourself in the present and studied the details of your boots. The mud around them, teaming with life. Inhale. The sweet, sharp air, cold in your nose.

Spin walked up, pulling you out of the mess.

“You’ve gotta pay more attention,” she said matter-of-factly while looking you over. “You weren’t thinking about him, were you?”

You turned and gave her a pointed stare. “Maybe.”

She sighed and tenderly placed her hands on your shoulders before savagely shaking you. “No! You can’t do that!” She yelled with a playful smile. “Don’t think about that asshole.”

You threw your arms up in surrender and stepped back, starting to walk back to the main path. “Can’t help it,” you sighed.

Spin nodded in solidarity. “He was really hot, but it doesn’t erase the fact that he was a douche.”

You shrugged in response. “I guess, but I decided that if he ever reaches out and apologizes and stuff that I’ll talk to him, but only if he promises to tell me everything.”

“That’s good, actually,” Spin replied. “Every good relationship is built on communication, I think. Or else it’s just gonna be a mess of lying and shit. So, if he wants to, you guys should definitely talk everything out and find out where you stand.”

She ended her spiel by blowing a massive bubble. You smiled and returned your attention to the path. Spin was always such a good friend, your rock basically. 

The main path diverged after a few minutes of walking and Spin led you to a path that would lead you to the back of the park. You both figured that if you were dogs, you would get as far away from the road as possible.

The farther back you went, however, the thicker the trees got. The sky slowly winked out of view and you were plunged into a haunting, dim light.

Spin was silent beside you. “Thinking about anything?” You prompted.

She stared ahead, quietly chewing her gum. “I don’t know, but I feel like I saw Kite the other day with someone,” she looked over at you. “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not.”

You shrugged, trying to appear unfazed. “With someone, in what way?” Maybe you didn’t want to know the answer.

“Some short ass person, I genuinely couldn’t tell if they were a boy or a girl,” she chuckled a little at that. “They had cat ears too.”

“Cat ears?”

“Yeah,” Spin let out a snort. “But anyway, they were at the coffee shop and they had their arm around him. He did look kind of uncomfortable, but he wasn’t really fighting it.”

You involuntarily clenched your jaw. He moved on quickly; that changed things. “Damn.”

Spin nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling her cap low over her eyes. “I know you guys had a really good, real connection. You can’t find stuff like that very easily.”

After that, the two of you became silent and let the noises of the forest speak for you. Up ahead, several birds flew frantically from the brush in a hurry to get away from something.

“I’ll bet that’s our dog!” You whispered, carefully creeping toward the source of the commotion. 

Spin nodded and circled around the clump of bushes. She tapped them and rustled the branches, and suddenly, a small dog lunged from within the foliage. 

You opened your arms and caught it before it could run away again. “Gotcha.”

As you handed the puppy off to its owner, you watched as they lit up with happiness. You smiled as you wished you had the same unconditional love. It was bittersweet.

____________________

Kite groggily opened his eyes, almost flinching at the sight of Pitou’s glaring red eyes.

“Well good morning,” he huffed.

Pitou sat back on their heels and allowed Kite to gather his bearings. “You don’t need to do anything today, do you?” They asked.

Kite yawned and shook his head. “Nope, wasn’t planning on it at least.”

Pitou shimmied back up next to him, invading his space as usual. “Let’s stay in.”

“Okay,” Kite conceded. It was a bad idea to deny Pitou of anything. “Do you want to do anything?”

Pitou seemed to think about it, but Kite could tell they already knew. Then, without warning, Pitou lunged forward and smashed their mouth against Kite’s. They had no hesitation as they wormed their tongue between his teeth to taste his mouth. Kite sighed into it.

While the two entwined, somehow, they ended up on the floor with Kite’s long body spread completely out and Pitou straddling him. They looked like an animal about to devour their prey. Instead of feeling anything though, Kite felt the familiar pang of boredom as Pitou hungrily took his cock out.

He knew how it would go. Pitou would have him fuck them and then they would disappear for the rest of the day, doing god knows what. However, Kite was content with the situation. It put him at ease, knowing he was getting exactly what he deserved. Part of him regretted letting Pitou invade his life, though. He still thought of you.

After Pitou prepped themselves, they lowered onto Kite’s cock, the tip sliding in smoothly. The sensation made Kite hiss. They never used condoms so Kite was bombarded with the hot, pulsing insides of Pitou. It was so different from a hand, so much pressure that couldn’t be replicated. It felt wonderful. He wished it was you. You would definitely be nicer.

“Want to move?” Pitou asked breathlessly.

Kite, lost in the moment, only nodded and drew his knees up to get a better thrusting angle. After that, it was silent save for the slapping of his balls on their skin and their hot breath tarnishing the air.

Kite didn’t know if he preferred the emotionless sex they always had. He figured he couldn’t be picky after what he did to you, though.

It didn’t take long for Kite to reach his breaking point and hold Pitou tight against his chest as he filled them. Pitou came soon after and sure enough, stood up, and walked into the bathroom without a word to Kite.

After lying on the floor, Kite got up and cleaned himself off. He needed away from Pitou. “I’m leaving,” he called out to wherever they were.

“Okay, I am too,” they replied.

Kite left and instantly felt the anxiety weighing on his shoulders dissipate. Being around Pitou was odd to be around, on one hand, Kite felt he deserved their distant treatment but on the other, he craved the affection he always felt around you.

Thinking about you made his already gloomy face that much more gloomy. He hated to admit it, but he was wrong. He should’ve gone back to you.

Too late to change anything, he mused.

The local market was within walking distance to his house, so it didn’t take long to get there. He had no idea what to get, he just knew he had to get out of the house before he felt even worse. As he wandered through the aisles, he heard a familiar voice.

“Can we go to the park too?”

“Ah, I guess, put that back though.”

“Fine, let’s get ice cream at least.”

“Okay.”

Kite turned the corner and ran head-on into a small figure. To his horror, it was Gon and you stood behind him, browsing the shelves.

“Oh, Kite!” Gon exclaimed, quickly bouncing up as if nothing had happened. “Sorry.”

Kite gave a nervous smiled and prayed you hadn’t seen him. “Hey Gon, it’s okay.”

Gon grinned and turned to you. “Hey, it’s Kite.”

You faced Kite and he froze up, unable to think of his next move. You looked him up and down before saying, “Oh, hi.” To say you looked uncomfortable was an understatement. You looked like you wanted to cry, run away, and yell at him all at the same time.

“Hi,” he offered awkwardly. “Gon, I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Okay, bye!” Gon called as Kite speed-walked away.

People’s faces blurred together as he walked past. Your expression was the only thing on his troubled mind. He did that to you. He had to do something, just not in public, he’d apologize and make it up to you. With a jump, Kite realized his breathing was getting erratic.

He knew he had to calm down before he left, so he ran to the bathroom and sat heavily in one of the stalls. 

“Shit.”

He didn’t know seeing you would have so much of an impact on him. It was as if he suddenly woke up from a bad dream. As he was calming down, he decided on one thing, and that was to atone for what he did and get you back no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if i like this but it took forever for some reason :( and I promise that it will pick up pace soon!


	11. to be held

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it does get better

Pitou was beautiful, Kite couldn’t deny it. 

He traced his slender finger over the contours of their sides, the dip on their lower back, the supple flesh of their thigh. All the while, they stared curiously out of the corner of their sharp eyes. As if they wanted to attack. Kite would let them any other day.

“You’re thinking of something,” it wasn’t a question; Pitou just knew what he was thinking before he even had the chance to gather his thoughts.

Kite simply hummed in response. Pitou’s hair was soft and he decided to concentrate on that instead of communicating. The glare grew more intense, even though Kite couldn’t see, he felt its judging presence heavy on his face.

Ever since he had seen you, nothing else mattered. He suddenly understood the gravity of his mistake, as if getting doused with frigid water. He didn’t deserve to be treated like nothing and used up as an object. He had more to give than that, he realized. You understood. You never pushed him. Yet, instead of embracing a good relationship with you, where he would be safe, he ran to a familiar type, all distant and detached until they weren’t.

“Pitou,” he started. They turned to him, staring straight down through him. “I’m leaving and I won’t be coming back. I don’t want you following either.”

Kite nervously looked into their eyes and was met with cool indifference. “I knew it was coming, it’s alright,” when Kite didn’t look convinced, they tacked on, “I’m serious, it wasn’t fun anymore and I found someone else.”

Kite chuckled, “Someone who will put up with your behavior.”

“Yeah, actually,” they retaliated. “You’re too attached to people, I don’t like that.”

“I didn’t like how distant you are.”

Pitou shrugged and got up, tossing the blanket back to Kite. “That’s just how I am and I can’t be with someone who subdues my nature.”

Kite rose with them and began preparing for work. “I understand that, but when we first met, you said you wanted to fight. I still don’t get what you meant by that, seeing as we never actually went at each other.”

“I would’ve gone way too far,” they answered, their back turned to Kite. Not seeing their face unsettled him. “I could tell you wouldn’t be able to handle it, so I settled for a play on fighting whenever we had sex.”

Kite thought about it and realized they weren’t lying; every time they actually slept together it was less an intimate act and more of a twisted display of power. He always allowed that to happen to him.

“Well, either way, I don’t particularly understand you, I just hope we go our separate ways in peace,” Kite said after a moment of thought.

Pitou didn’t face him as they left, only saying, “I don’t regret it, Kite.”

Kite was left alone, once again. Despite that, he felt a weight lift from his heavy heart and he took a deep breath. The hardest part was about to begin, he was going to reach out to you after nearly a month of silence.

_______________

You were late to work.

“Ah, shit,” the words slipped out of your mouth without a second thought as you sprinted to your car.

Lately, you had been missing sleep and waking up with barely enough time to get ready for work, but that day you had really done it. You already had a warning from being late at another time, so you slammed on the gas and tried not to think about how stupid you probably looked.

Out of all the people to lose sleep over it had to be him, you thought vehemently. Of course, he didn’t know he was the cause of your restless nights, but you had to blame someone. Deep down, you knew it was wrong to think that way of someone who was so obviously suffering. Despite what you told yourself, you regretted deleting his number. At the time, you had convinced yourself it was for the best, but looking back, the two of you could’ve talked it out.

With a sigh, you thought of when you finally saw him after a month of nothing. As always, he had an elegant beauty to him, his signature cap resting on his smooth, cascading hair. When he ran into Gon, your first instinct was to spout off something witty and give him a bright smile. However, when you actually took a look at his face, you were shocked at just how tired he looked. His thin face looked nearly gaunt as if an invisible weight pulled his skin tight over the bones.

Before you could utter a word, though, Kite had apologized to Gon and escaped around a corner. You remember being left with a heavy cloud in your mind that kept you from chasing. Your thoughts ran in circles; remember what he said? Remember how you felt? He can’t do that. You don’t need that.

Thankfully, before you could get any more lost in your thoughts, the entrance to the park came into view and Spin was there, waiting. You got out and rushed over, trying to sneak in to clock in.

Spin popped her gum and ushered you in, successfully sneaking you in. “You know you need to get more sleep,” she said once you both were clocked in and starting on the day’s tasks. “I know it’s been hard, babe.”

You returned her sympathetic look and reached for a hug, “Thank you for everything.”

Spin had provided sanctuary at her house, giving you lots of cocoa, warm blankets, and a safe space to talk. Her hand rested on the back of your head and she smoothed it over your hair.

“You’re my best friend,” she said, pulling away and giving you a warm, uncharacteristic smile. “I’m gonna be here no matter what.”

At that, you wanted to burst into tears and go home with her, but instead, you parted and began the day’s work. Luckily, you had a simple task of just clearing out brush that could potentially lead to wildfires. It was the perfect job for your over-active mind as you could fall into wielding the knife and letting your mind wander.

First, you had to head out to a mostly untouched area that would later become a new trail. You got to work pulling weeds, moving rocks, and cutting down thicket with the knife. The weather was perfectly mild and lifted your spirits. As the day went on, you figured you could feel worse.

It didn’t take long for you to finally look down at your watch and notice you only had twenty minutes left in your shift.

You began the hike back to the building, not expecting to run into anyone. As you weaved in and out of the trees, you caught sight of a shadow deeper in the forest, so you decided to go investigate. Holding the knife close, you made your way into a small clearing and almost dropped the weapon when you saw him. It was Kite, sitting peacefully under a tree.

His slim face was uncharacteristically peaceful and you found it a nice alternative to his normally stoic expression (though you still loved both on his handsome face). He hadn’t noticed you so you stepped into the light and cleared your throat softly.

His eyes slowly opened and he gazed at you with an unclear expression.

“What brings you here?” You started tentatively. Above all, you hoped he couldn’t sense your pounding heart.

“I’m afraid you do,” he replied with a soft laugh. “I’ve been meaning to come talk.”

You stepped closer, still feeling cautious. You didn’t want to get burned again. “I’m sure we both have a lot to say,” you hoped you sounded like you didn’t want to run away and hide.

Kite finally stood and you tried to maintain your eye contact, though it got harder once he was at his full height. 

“Do you trust me?”

“I’m not sure,” you were being honest. “I’ll go with you, wherever you want.”

At that, he gave a smile, though it looked more sad than anything. “Come home with me, y/n.”

You stood still, your feet locked in place. Kite had his hand nervously outstretched, waiting for you to accept. “Okay,” you breathed, holding his hand and walking with him.

As you walked, it was silent. The sky was dark and the local animals had gone to sleep. It was only you and Kite in the world, it felt like. Nothing else existed outside the two of you and at that moment, you knew you had to trust him and listen.

His hand was sweaty from nerves and he wouldn’t meet your eye. Seeing him so vulnerable put you a little at ease. He was more nervous than you.

Your car was a welcome distraction, forcing you to concentrate on the roads as you took the familiar route to Kite’s house. The whole time, you stayed in comfortable silence, content with not speaking until necessary. Kite luckily seemed to calm once he was able to look out at the passing scenery.

His house rolled into view and you unloaded the car with Kite, rushing in to avoid the cold.

He stepped towards the fireplace while gesturing to the couch, “You should sit, make yourself at home.”

You complied and watched as he skillfully prepared and lit the fireplace. It didn’t take long for all the cold to become nothing but a memory.

Nervously, Kite sat next to you, but a respectful distance away, as if he were scared.

He took a quick, nervous breath and began, “I know I made mistake.”

You didn’t answer, just stared at your hands.

“I’ve come to realize that I haven’t been completely honest with myself or you, and I’m very sorry,” you felt him finally look at you. “You don’t deserve that.”

Finally, you spoke, “I really like you Kite, but the only way this can work is if we can be honest with each other.”

You turned to look as he nodded, “You’re very right, so I’ll start by saying that I shouldn’t have handled that the way I did. The moment you left, I regretted every word that came out of my mouth. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wish I could change things.”

You scooted closer and unlike the last time, he didn’t seem to oppose it. “You know despite everything you’ve been through, you still deserve happiness. I’m not mad at you anymore, because I think I get it. None of it was your fault.”

Kite went silent and you were hesitant to look at him until you heard a soft, shuddering breath. Immediately, your eyes snapped up and you noticed tears welling up in his eyes.

He frantically wiped at them, “Oh, sorry, I just,” his movements got sloppy and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “I don’t know.”

Carefully, you shuffled in so you were pressed up to his side and wrapped your arms around his lean shoulders. Instantly, Kite pressed his face into the crook of your neck and finally let go of everything holding him back. He couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed. You were right! His mind was shouting. He deserved you, he deserved happiness, and you weren’t mad.

Your hands ran through his silky hair and you couldn’t stop yourself from gently pressing your lips to his hair, inhaling the woodsy scent as you did.

Slowly, his arms encircled you as he sobbed into your neck and you sat holding each other throughout the night. Even as the fire died and you both drifted into sleep, you were still there, holding him tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally AAAAAAA the pain can end


	12. i like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and kite figure some things out

Kite woke up to an unfamiliar sensation. He was warm, he felt safe. The dull pain in his neck didn’t even bother him, he was so deep in the sense of being wrapped within safe arms. You both were still tangled on the couch and somehow, you managed to keep your hold on Kite, even in sleep.

As the grogginess left his mind, Kite studied your peaceful sleeping face. While you usually looked relatively relaxed, there was a new element added while you slept. He couldn’t place his finger on it but thought you looked beautiful nonetheless. While you began to come out of sleep, Kite gently, hesitantly brushed your hair back from your forehead. He wanted to look into your eyes as you awoke.

Slowly, you cracked open your eyes and flinched at the sight of Kite’s face staring at you. “Ah, shit,” you mumbled, still a little confused from sleep. “You scared me.”

Immediately, Kite’s face fell and he started awkwardly apologizing.

“Sorry,” he leaned back away from your face. “You just looked so nice asleep. Oh, that’s creepy, isn’t it?”

You huffed out a genuine laugh and gently nudged him to sit up. “You’re so sweet, you know that?”

Kite sat back against the arm of the couch, stretching out his long legs as much as he could. “You think so?”

You nodded and sat opposite of him, resting your legs over his. You didn’t miss the blush that graced his cheeks.

“Well, do you feel better after we talked?” You asked.

Kite nodded, “I do, how about you?”

“Same,” you replied while playfully kicking his shins. “Excuse me for being direct, but I’d like to know what you want to do now.”

“No, it’s alright,” Kite said. “I also wanted to talk about it, but I’m not the blunt person when it comes to these things.”

You thought for a moment, choosing your words carefully. While you did want a future with him, you wanted to be absolutely positive that he wouldn’t run. That he would have faith in you and be able to communicate his feelings.

“I’ll start by just saying that I really like you, I liked where we were taking things,” you paused, wondering how to word your feelings in a gentle way. “If we want to continue, we need to be able to talk to each other. I need to know when you’re upset and if you need help. If you run again, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”

As you spoke, Kite looked away, seeming to study his coffee table. “You’re right, I like you a lot too so I’ll do anything to be able to pick up where we left off.”

After he finished, Kite looked back into your eyes and softly smiled.

You reached for his hands and held them. “Let’s just see what happens and not put a label on it.”

Kite squeezed your hands and you finally saw a flash of teeth in his smile. “I appreciate that, taking it day by day, I mean. Eventually, we’ll realize that we’re practically dating and finally just announce it.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” you said, letting go of his hands and moving so you sat back against the couch, nestled between his legs.

“Not to take things too fast, but may I kiss you?”

Suddenly, you weren’t able to vocally answer, only nod and let his hand dwarf the side of your face as he pulled you in for a gentle kiss. It lasted only a moment, but afterward, you felt like you were flying. He didn’t pull back immediately, instead taking a brief moment to study your eyes. You did the same, taking in the rich, expressive brown that you wanted to stare into forever.

Eventually, you had to part and Kite regretfully removed his hand. Neither of you knew what to say, you opted to sit in silence and look anywhere but his eyes. You didn’t know why, but you were suddenly very aware of the beautiful man before you. He decided to kiss you! Since your nerve was gone, all that was left was a kerning nervousness. Though, anyone would be nervous sitting in front of an ethereal being such as him, you figured.

Kite finally broke the silence with, “I’m sorry, I’m not usually so forward. I can’t help it though.”

“What do you mean ‘can’t help it’?” You asked, scooting a little closer every time he looked away.

Kite flushed and smiled again, taking you by surprise by showing his teeth as he grinned. “You’re just so beautiful and now that I can be with you this way, I don’t want to stop.”

You stopped scooting and sat dumbfounded before him. Never in your life had anyone treated you with such genuine adoration and kindness. You could tell he was still a little nervous and cautious, but he was making an impressive effort to make you comfortable.

“You’re amazing,” you said, finally scooting close enough to rest your head against his chest, just as you did all those months ago. “I hope you know you deserve all of this, you make me so happy. Even before today, I looked forward to talking and seeing you for lunch and stuff. I missed it more than I want to admit.”

You couldn’t see his face, but you knew enough from the way he pressed his lips to your forehead.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “I still have a hard time believing so, but it was always easier around you. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but when I was alone or in a bad spot, I always heard Ging’s voice, judging me. I never hear it with you.”

Kite’s heart pounded steadily in your ear and you relaxed fully into his arms. “No matter how long it takes, I’ll stay with you until you know you can have me,” you said, squeezing your arms tighter around his waist.

Instead of answering, you felt his large hands smooth over your back and gently put pressure. It didn’t take long for you to melt into the soft fabric of the couch and let your face be pressed against the hard plane of his stomach.

“When’d you get so good at this?” Your speech was slurred. His hands felt too good, you wouldn’t be bothered by speaking right.

Kite chuckled and applied more pressure right where you needed it. “I don’t know, I’m good with my hands, though.”

Even though he couldn’t have meant anything by that, you couldn’t stop the blush from painting your cheeks. As he massaged you, Kite looked down at the tips of your ears and watched with amusement as they quickly turned red.

“Wanna go do anything today?” He asked, wondering if you would even respond. 

You mumbled, “No, too comfy.”

Kite knew you would be asleep soon, so he lifted you and carried you to his bed. Once you were secure in the covers, he joined and tried to stay a bit away, but you immediately rolled over and slung your arm across his chest.

“I know we just woke up, but you made me tired again,” you murmured. “So rude.”

Kite watched as you absentmindedly twirled a strand of his hair. “Sorry for my rudeness, want me to leave?”

You glared up at him, “No, that would be ruder.”

“Just sleep,” Kite retaliated with no animosity in his voice. “I’ll be joining you soon.”

So, you obliged and shut your eyes, slipping into the most peaceful sleep you had in months as Kite watched over you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short :( the next few chapters will probably be BIG. also this is disgustingly fluffy oops. we are nearing the end


End file.
